They say to forgive is to forget and relive is to regret…but I don’t know. I’ve watched those around me destroy the only thing I ever had, the only person who actually gave a damn about me. I knew that we’d be parted, I just never thought that our ‘friends’ would be the one that would do it.

I got back yesterday to the news that she’d become engaged to that twirp. It shook me, hurt right down to the metal in my bones. Of course I didn’t say anything, didn’t even show a flicker of emotion but inside I know the truth.

So now at four in the morning I’m pacing the hallways searching for something to cling to. I look for hope, for acceptance in the shadows, in the darkness left y the night without finding any.

“You’re up late or early?”

Soft, a hint of southern twang to it the words draw my attention to the slim, dark haired angel standing watching me a cup of steaming coffee in her hands.

“Never went to bed.” I grunt. “How come you’re up so early?”

“My head’s a bit fuzzy.”

I nod. It’s the only form of communication I can offer at this moment. I don’t want to be standing in a hallway exchanging small talk, I want to walk over, pin her to the wall and claim what my instincts tell is mine. I can’t. I can’t touch her, can’t offer her myself, my heart, soul, everything I am because they’ve already picked out a life for her. A life I’m not part of.

“You uh you lookin’ forward to the weddin’?” I shift uncomfortably, my eyes darting toward the stairwell. It won’t take me long to get the hell outta here, not with Scott’s bike….

“No. I don’t know why I said yes to his proposal.” She admits softly. “I don’t love him like a wife should love her husband. Its just when he asked I couldn’t say no.”

“Sure you could have. It’s your life.”

“It was like I wasn’t talking. I don’t know, its just prewedding jitters I guess. Uh I made a pot of coffee if you’d like…”

“No, thank you.” I dig in my pockets for a cigar since I don’t have a bottle on me and stare at her for a moment. There are shadows in her eyes, a stiffness to her body that tells me more than any words ever could that they’ve made her into what they think she should be rather than who she could be. Still, I know better than to offer her an out…she wouldn’t take it. Her sense of loyalty is just one of the many things I love about her. “I’ll let you get back to your morning though. Nice seein’ you again.”

“Are you going to be at the wedding?” Her question freezes me on the top step and I stare down at the front door, knowing that my answer will seal my fate.

“No. I can’t be.” I reply softly and glance once at her. I need to memorize her features, memorize the way she stands, the way she plays with her hair, all the little details that no one will ever see because they don’t look for them.

“Why? I’d have thought you’d be glad to be rid of me for good.” There’s a hint of bitterness in her voice and I growl at it as I turn to stomp back up to her. I use my body, my frame to intimidate her as I get right in her face and glare at her.

“You were never a burden, Marie. And contrary to what your little fiancé says, I had no intention of abandoning you…unlike you, I keep my promises, and my friends.”

I leave her standing in the hallway, pale, shaking, her dark eyes wide and incredulous as I turn to stalk down the stairs, headed for the kitchen where I left my coat. I can hear her soft sobs as I hurry away, but I can’t allow myself to feel her pain. After all she’s the one who took what was offered rather than wait for what she knew belonged to her already.

I jerk on the battered old leather and grab a few tins of food out of the cupboard, stuffing them in my bag before snatching the keys off the counter and turning to the doorway where she stands glaring at me.

“Three years. That’s how long you’ve been gone, Logan. One thousand, ninety-five days and not one note, not a phone call, not a postcard, nothing! Did you really…”

“I sent you a letter every fuckin’ day, Marie. I mailed you a package on your birthday, at Christmas time…” I glare at her as I look up and down her body before getting back in her face. “And don’t say you didn’t get ‘em, you’re wearing the gloves, the earrings, and I’m sure if I went through your room I’d find the rest of them…”I pause at her stunned look as she glances down at her hands.

“No, that’s not possible.” She whispers and I watch the anger fill her expression as she glances behind her. “That sorry son-of-a bitch!”

“I don’t care, Rogue. Just get outta my way. Congratulations on your wedding, I hope you’re as miserable in fifty years as you are now.” I snap as I head for the door only to freeze at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs in a hurry.

“Rogue!” I recognize Bobby Drake’s voice and glance at him before I turn to Rogue. I toss her a sarcastic smirk and reach for the doorknob.

“You lying piece of shit.” There’s fire in her voice and I pause, its what she’s made of. She should be fiery, fierce and proud not the mouse that she’s become. Still it isn’t my business.

“Rogue what on earth are you doing up at this time of the morning?”

“Learning a few truths.” She snarls moving toward me. There’s rage and betrayal in her dark eyes as they meet mine for a moment before darting over to Drake. “Why did you think I wouldn’t find out that Logan’s the one who bought me these things?” She waves her hands about angrily.

“Look whatever he’s told you…” Drake starts only to fall silent as she peels off her gloves and advances toward him. “Now Rogue you don’t want to have the Professor do another mind scan do you? You hate them…”

“I wouldn’t marry a lying sack of shit like you if you paid me.” She hisses angrily and I can’t help the pride I feel at her reactions. “I had my doubts, figured you’d never shown any indication of what I really liked but I took what you gave me at face value, ignoring what my heart told me. So what did you do with the letters?”

Drake pales even further and for a moment I think he may pass out before he swallows harshly and glares at her. “You see to forget who you’re talking to Rogue. I don’t have to explain myself to you…”

“No. No you don’t. You just set in stone what I’ve always believed. Here’s your ring, there’s no point in me keeping it where I’m going.”

“And where is that?”

She pauses on the stairwell and looks between the two of us. “To find out what my heart’s always known. Logan would you mind giving me a ride?”

“Where to?”

I catch the slow smile that crosses her face a moment before she turns and rushes up the stairs. “Where ever you’re going is fine with me.”

Bobby glares at me as I stare back at him. “What?”

“She’ll never survive out there. You’re sentencing her to death.”

“No,” I snarl as I grab him by the throat, anger racing through me. “I’m saving her from the death you had planned for her. She’s not cut out to be little miss homebody. Rogue is freedom.”

I toss him aside as Rogue hurries toward me, her old green duffel over one shoulder, a pair of blue jeans, boots, flannel shirt and her leather cloak wrapped around her body. She steps over Bobby and smiles at me as she slips past me and out the door.

I snicker to myself as I realize that old saying is true. I’ve forgive her, I always would and I know that I won’t regret this any time soon. Perhaps when she’s gone to the other side, when she’s in the ground I’ll regret tying myself to her but for now…for now I’m just going to live the life she gave me.