After downing her third glass of eggnog, Jubilee declared, "I wish I was an elf, they've got it made!"

Kitty, who was still sipping her first glass, wondered, "Why's that Jubes?"

"Because, they get to play with toys all year long and eat Christmas cookies and listen to Christmas music and just be jolly all the time."

"Only you would think that listening to Christmas music all the time was a good thing," Rogue pointed out.

"Rogue's right," agreed Kitty, "maybe you'd better lay off the eggnog."

"You two are just a couple of Scrooge's. What could be so bad about being an elf?"

"Oh, no," Kitty moaned, but it was too late. Since the three had been drinking buddies way before they were legal Jubilee should have known better than to ask a question like that with Rogue around. While most of the personality traits she'd gotten from Wolverine had faded, she could still get pretty cynical with a few drinks in her.

"I'll tell you what could be so bad," Rogue began, "How about being forced to sing stupid Christmas songs while you're building toys that you'll have to make even better and faster for the next year? Everyone thinks elves are cute little do-gooders who enjoy slaving away for Santa, that's why they can't get any help escaping. They're destined to waste their lives away making toys without pay or benefits."

Suddenly Kitty sat up a little straighter and blurted out, "No wonder that elf in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer wanted to be a dentist!"

Rogue glared at her for a second before continuing, "At least Santa's naughty or nice list cuts down on some of the demand. If people would think of the poor little slave elves then maybe it would be better. I bet they just hate toys. And can you imagine having to answer to a fat man who dresses all in red and is proud to yell out HO HO HO?"

Rogue's argument was turning from anger to sympathy. Kitty and Jubilee looked at each other and let small smiles onto their faces. Once Rogue burned off her initial anger she'd start to lose interest. Soon they'd be back to drinking their way to jolliness.

"You guys quit laughing, I'm serious! I bet Santa drugs those poor elves to keep them quiet. We should talk to Xavier about freeing them. I just can't stand to think of how they have to look at all those stupid toys they've made and be reminded of how meaningless their lives are. If we help them revolt it would mean so much. Don't you guys think so?"

Kitty and Jubilee looked at each other again. If they answered wrong it would throw her into a whole new argument…either a plan for freeing elves or a lecture on how they were supposed to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. Jubilee was just about to agree with Rogue, deciding that making mission plans would be much more fun than listening to a lecture, when someone knocked on the door.

Without waiting for an answer, the door opened and Logan stepped through. Quirking an eyebrow at the three, he asked, "Hey Marie, you ready for your present?"

Rogue was out the door so fast all Jubilee saw was a blur.

"What happened to her stand against presents from elves?" Kitty asked.

"I guess when it comes to Logan's package anything goes," Jubilee replied with a smirk, "You ready for another eggnog yet?"

"Sure."

"Good, cause I changed my mind about wanting to be an elf. I'd rather be a reindeer!"

---

Artist: Barenaked Ladies
Album: Barenaked For The Holidays
Year: 2004
Title: Elf's Lament

(with Michael Buble)

I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"
But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I've heard there's even been
illegal doping
And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself
You're an elf
And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories
Trends come and go, and your friends wanna know why you aren't just
happy making crappy little gizmos
Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a
beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys
went

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf