For about the tenth time, I sent a flurry of punches into the weighted punching bag. Of course, imagining it was Scott's face and form I was rearranging probably explained my seeming enjoyment of it.

It was easier to beat the crap out of the steel reinforced bag than to pick a fight with the pretty boy himself. Half the time he was some spineless wreck of a guy the kids called emo, the other half of the time he was being even more of an uptight, play by the rules prick than he'd been before the whole mess at Alkali Lake.

One thing he did after losing Jeannie, that pissed me off and pleased me at the same time, was taking Marie's training further. He was taking her especially under his wing, with meditation and other methods. That alone, wouldn't have bothered me so much, even though it took away from my Marie time.

What first pissed me off, was the angle he played. Talking about how he had planned to do this before, before everything got hectic, before Alkali Lake, before losing Jean. Saying it had been Jean's idea, to have him mentor her, as the team members did special cases, because he couldn't control his mutation either. That he would understand her frustrations, and if control was slow or not coming, they could devise ways for her to live around it, and live a full life, even with lethal skin. Sort of like he did, with his "sunglasses at night" bit.

He didn't have to use the memory of Jean, to invoke the all but holy sainthood she was held in these days, to get Marie to agree. Marie wanted to be trained, to learn control, to be considered worthy. Using Jean was overkill, a guilt trip that only sucked Marie in more, though Marie knew full well Jean was no saint, because I knew Jean was no saint, no angel fallen in battle. Jean had been a good woman, yes, but no pedestal worthy paragon.

What only made it worse, and made it even harder for me to grit my teeth and keep silent about, was the way Scott kept trying to set her on paths he felt she should take, trying to herd her in the direction he thought she should take. Taking classes towards a teaching degree, dating Bobby, Scott's special sort of pet, being a good girl, the zenith of everything a mutant who wanted to be seen by humans as sweet and unthreatening should be.

Every time I came around, doing little jobs for the Professor, checking on possible risks, even picking up a scared mutant kid or two who needed a hand, something was new.. Every time I came around what had become home, I never knew what I was going to find. Bobby got more and more possessive, more cocky and defiant, to the point that if Marie hadn't liked the kid so much, I would have decked him.

Kid thought he knew so much, having talked about how I 'looked ' at Jean. Stupid kid, thought I'd been in love with her. Truth was, Jean had been the first of the adults to really welcome me here, and mean it. I'd been a means to an end for Chuck, Ororo was pretty aloof until she got to know someone, and Scooter... well, he'd been challenged by the idea of having another alpha male around. Sure, I loved Jean, but she was my friend. I'd tried to kiss her a few times, that sort of thing... but she *knew* the truth. She knew why I kissed her, why I flirted with her, even though she was so in love with Scott.

Jean had understood me, and that was why I was so tore up after she was gone. She really understood me, the need I had to run now and then when the walls closed in, the instincts I followed. She had buried all that under duty, and her love for Scott. But what really had brought Jean close to me, made her someone I cared for.. was she knew about Marie. Jean knew I loved her, lusted for her, that the animal and the man both wanted to claim a girl the world saw as too young. Jean knew, she saw it, and she said nothing to anyone. She understood it, the wanting, the watching and waiting, the writhing inside that wrestled with the guilt.

Because she had fallen for a younger man, when he was still thought to be too young... before the world considered Scott old enough, and she'd tread on the same path I was on now. She too, ha fought it, tried to deny it... then resigned herself to hiding it. She had been a quiet, subtle partner on my side against the world, diverting Scott when his thoughts headed towards thinking I was spending too much time with Rogue.

Now that silent rampart was missing, and Scott's flood of what he thought was proper was wearing away even at Rogue's rock stubborn personality. She started going on actual dates with the ice cube, and she started to harp less when Bobby tried to say I wasn't the right kind to be a X-man, wasn't her kind. Her defense of me was getting quieter, and I started to feel worry.

I was counting the days until her twentieth birthday. I had long since decided twenty was grown up enough for her to know what she wanted, where she wanted, with who she wanted. She'd be a woman then, and no longer a teenaged girl. Then I could finally share everything inside of me, everything that told me that I'd finally found what I was looking for.

I started staying home more, taking her out, just to a movie, or to have a burger. Little, platonic outings no one could really say too much about.Her birthday was coming, cake, balloons and presents. I went to the trouble of getting her a gift, wrapping it, even. I was going to make the sacrifice of actually attending a party with all the kids. I was heading in early, to give her her gift, when I stopped at the sound of voices rising. It pissed me off, hearing Bobby whine to Rogue about how I was no good, and smile, hearing her put him in his place.

"Have ya forgotten all the ways he's died for us? For me, ta save my life? Ta save us from bein' killed by the Professor? Ah thought ya would stop listenin' ta Scott, stop bein' jealous of him... but it's never gonna change, is it, Bobby? If ya can't have all of my heart, you just don't want it, do ya? Ah'm not a little girl anymore, Bobby, and Ah don't need a boy, Ah need a man. Ya might never be one. "

I could hear her coming, her heels stepping hard against the floor, until she emerged in the hall, face flushed and lovely in her anger. She jerked to a halt at the sight of me, not sure how much I had heard. I took her gloved hand in mind, pulling her out to the garage so we could talk.

I worked out here a lot, and had tohave music. Leaving Marie to stew a bit, I got out the last thing of Jeannie I'd have. Scott had given me her copy of the Pulp Fiction soundtrack, saying Jean had mentioned wanting to get me a copy. I forwarded it to the track I wanted, smiling at the thought of Jean's smile at the moment. Taking Marie's hand in mine again, fingers tucking white behind her ear as she gave me a confused look.

I can't sing much, but then.. the lyrics were more spoken. I just was waiting for that one part, all the while tugging Marie into my arms, her head against my chest. ..

"Finally found what I've been looking for, but if they get their chance, they'll end if for sure... they surely would..Baby, I've done all I could, now it's up to you... " Before I shut up and let the song finish, playing with her hair some.

Her hand found mine, again, before she was peeking up at him, that smirk she learned from me on her face.

"Twenty woman enough for ya, sugar? Or you gonna make us wait longer? Ah was about to give up on ya ever ..." Letting that trail off, because I leaned in to kiss her.

She might be my girl, but Marie was definitely a woman who knew her man.