There are some things I remember. No matter how hard they tried to beat them out, I remember.

A touch. Skin on skin, soft ivory against my calloused palm.

Pair of eyes, looking straight at me. Horrified.

White and brown.

Kid.

They broke her.

Broke the image of her.

Fuckers didn’t realize to clean off fragments.

It takes eternity to put those back together, and every time there’s pieces missing.



“Wolverine.”

Fucking asshole. Curl up and die.

“Give me something. Anything. Stop resisting.”

Go fuck yourself and stop screwing around with my head.

“It would be much easier. We do not wish to harm you. You’re very valuable to our project.”

Fuck you, fuck you and your fucking project, shove it up to your ass!

“Fine. We don’t actually need your cooperation.”

Asshole, asshole, go jump off a cliff!

“Proceed.”



Logan, they called me Logan. She called me Logan. Told me not to go.

Can’t remember who she was. What she was.

But I remember a touch.

I remember eyes.

I… White?

Kid.

Looking at me.

She was so fucking scared.

Scared of me? Scared of something else?

Stop it! Stop it! Let me go! I don’t want to be here! Let me go! Stop!



Marie.

I remember a name.

Who is she? What is she?

“Subject is still resisting the procedure.”

No shit, Einstein? Stop fucking prodding me and let me go and I show you resistance!

“Up the dosage. We can’t afford to fail now.”

Yes, you can. It’s easy. Just let me go.

“His mutation is already impaired…”

“Up the dosage.”

Marie!



It’s almost there. Just at the tip of my tongue. Hovering just out of my reach.

Fuckers nearly made it this time. Almost forgotten.

There was a girl. I’m sure there was.

She wasn’t mine.

Just a kid.

Marie.

I think it was her name.

I’m quite sure it was. She was Marie and she wasn’t mine.

She was just a kid, and these fuckers broke her in the blink of an eye.

Have to remember. Have to remember these things so that I can put her back together.

He has been gone for a while. I can’t help wondering where he is. If he’s okay.

I remember the way he looked at me when he gave me his tags.

I remember how he reached for the streaks of white.

I remember his promise.

Logan.

He never smiled.

He never let his anger show, not to me.

He never shied away from my touch, not even at the statue.

Up there I had to pry his hands away, force him to cut the connection.



Wolverine.

The name they gave to him.

Small and vicious beast, selfish and arrogant.

I guess there are people who think the name’s fitting.

They don’t know him, not the way I do.

They haven’t really seen inside.

They haven’t seen him.

Logan.



Jean tells me every day that it’s unhealthy to cling to the memory of him.

She tells me I should stop wearing his tags.

She tells me I should live.

Start dating.

Bitch.

How could I?

She’s not mean or jealous.

She just doesn’t understand why I refuse to let go.

She tells me that it’s superstitious to think that remembering him would keep him safe.



Silly.

Silly little girl.

With a crush to a man at least twice her age.

I can see them thinking when they look at me, pity clouding their eyes.

Poor Rogue, she’ll worry her heart out for the bastard.

I don’t need their pity. I don’t want it.

Only thing I want is out there.

Hopefully safe.

Logan.



Perhaps only one who understands to some extent is Scott. He understands but doesn’t approve.

He was there, climbing towards us and saw me fight off Logan’s grasping hands.

He doesn’t hold a grudge; I think he’s relieved that it is I instead of Jean.

But he disapproves anyway.

Told me to loose the tags.

They’re Logan’s.

His promise.

I’m going to hold on to it.

I’m afraid that if I let go I let go of him as well.

Superstitious? Perhaps, I don’t care. I don’t want to forget.

His voice in me is already fading, and I want to keep the rest of him in my mind.

I want to keep him well and safe, give him shelter from the wind and rain raging outside.

It was cold again. As cold as it was the last time. But it was different.

I wasn’t alone. They came to let me out.

Fuckers took away my vengeance.

Blown apart.

Ruined.

Like my head.

She’s not here. I don’t know these people.

I know they’re good people, and she’s been with them.

I tried to ask from the red haired lady if she knew where Marie was.

She just shook her head and told me to sit down and buckle my seatbelt.



Fuck.

Better do it.

Blonde with visor’s not born pilot.

“Where is she? I can smell her on you people. Where the fuck is she?”

“Calm down, Logan. Now is not the time…”

Not the time?

Assholes.



“You have no idea how lucky you were. We weren’t even looking for you!” Lady with white hair.

White hair, but she’s not the one I’m looking for. Not by a long shot. Too old.

“Do you know Marie? Have you seen her? Is she alright?”

And don’t fucking lie. Her scent is all over you.

“Marie? We have no student called…”

“You smell like her. Where is she?”

“Logan, I really don’t…”

Fuck you.

Bitch.

Why they keep lying?

I’m sure I got it right. They practically reek of her.

“Just tell me if she’s okay! I have been so fucking worried…”

“I’m sure that who ever Marie is, she’s perfectly alright. You’re our main concern…”

I’m fucked up, but not so fucked up that I would enjoy your attitude; I’m a fucking grown man!




Kid.

Place is swarming.

Too many scents and voices.

Too fucking hard to find one when fifty other clog my senses.

“Look, lady… I don’t know you people, but I think I know Marie. Where the fuck is she?”

Start talking. I’m not in the mood for games. Talk.

“There’s no Marie…”

Fuck this.

*SNIKT*



“Logan, calm down! There really is no one called Marie in here, I think you’re mistaken…”

Mistaken my ass, I can smell her! She’s here! Why the hell won’t you let me see her?

“I believe he’s looking for Rogue, Jean. She’s in class right now.”

Wheelchair? Rogue? Why do they call her Rogue?

“Professor! You have to talk to him…”

Yeah. Start talking, baldy.

“Logan.”

“Where is she?”

“Rogue is in class.”

Rogue. What about Marie?

“Is she… Does she have white hair?”

“She has two white stripes. Are we talking about same person?”

“I need to see her. Where is she? Is she alright? Let me see her now.”



Elevator.

I can do this.

She’s somewhere up there.

Breathe. Keep breathing. Don’t freak out now.

“There’s absolutely no reason to worry. I assure you that Rogue is doing just fine.”

Keep talking. Don’t give a shit for your assurances…

Keep breathing. Doors are opening.

“She’s over there.”

Door with window.

Marie!

He came back today and I have no idea of what’s going on. Truth to be told I’m scared.

He just walked in, grabbed me and walked out. Dragged me along.

We have been sitting out here several hours.

He’s still holding my hand.

Won’t let me go.

Logan.

Tried to talk.

He told me to be quiet.

We’re just sitting here. He keeps staring at me.

He has scared away everybody who has tried to approach.

It’s getting dark already, and cold. I can’t stop shivering. Cold or fear? Don’t know.



“Here.”

His jacket.

Not really his.

Black leather, something from lower levels.

No scent of cigars or beer, but I can smell… Blood? What the hell is going on?

“Do you want this back? Is this why…” His tag. He stares at it.

He doesn’t know what it is. Oh, God.

“Logan? Are you alright?”

Please. Answer.

Please.



“They broke you. Made me forget. Made me forget so many things. But I remember you.”

No. I remembered. I carried his tag. He was supposed to be safe. No!

“I think I remember. You’re Marie, right?”

I’m going to be sick.

“Marie?”

Stop. Stop talking.

“I… I remember. I do remember.”

Stop talking! I fucking failed! They hurt you again!

“I almost forgot few times. But I remember most of it…”

Shut up! Let me go! Why the hell do you even bother to talk to me?

“They kept breaking you, and every night I put you back together. I’m sure it’s almost all there.”



“Marie!”

Let me go.

I can’t listen anymore.

They broke him. I failed, I failed and he’s broken.

How do I hide when he can sniff me out? How can I outrun him when he doesn’t tire out?

“Kid, wait up! Marie… Shit, Marie, wait!”

No. Not going to wait. Can’t.

I failed you.

Sorry.



I can hear him running and shouting. People are staring at us. Do something! Stop him!

“Marie! Wait! Stop running, goddamned! Shit…”

He’s getting closer. If I just…

Not good. Not good.

Dead-end.

“What do you want?”

Stop staring and talk to me!

“What the fuck do you want from me?”

Don’t touch, don’t touch! Take your hands off from me!

“I was so fucking worried… Just let me see that you’re alright… Please, don’t run…”

They did their best to scramble me, break this last shred of what I had left.

“Let me look at you.” Let me. Let me hold you, please.

I have to see. Are you still whole?

Stop struggling.

Hair.

Brown, cascading down back.

White stripes framing her face. Why white?

I have to remember. It was important. It is important.

She was dead. She died. She died and I could touch her. Her skin.



Skin.

Can’t touch now.

She’s poison, pretty poison.

“Logan, let me go. Please, let me go.”

“I won’t hurt you, just let me remember.”

Not as pale as she was before, I’m sure. She’s better now. She was sick?

Not sick. She was hungry. Fucking starving.

Such a pretty little thing.

Too little and thin.

Hollow cheeks.

Eyes.



“Logan, please… I tried, I really tried! You have to believe me! I didn’t want to let you down!”

Let me down? Never. You couldn’t do that, not even if you tried.

“Look at me.” Let me see your eyes.

Are they still deep dark pools?

Hunger is gone.

Fear.

Oh, God.

She’s afraid.

She’s afraid of me.

Fucking idiot. What the hell did you expect?

She’s not yours, never was; yet you barge in and claim her as if she were some sort of prize.



Go.

Turn around.

Turn around and walk away.

I can do this. She’s alright. Better than alright as soon as I let her be.

They fucked up my head, broke her, but just in my head. She is alright. There’s not a scratch on her.

And I fucking won! Beat them all! They couldn’t make me forget!

Not this time. But some things I got wrong.

She was never afraid before.

Not afraid of me.

“Kid?”



She’s fast. Gone within a blink of an eye. Have to find her one more time.

“Logan, what’s going on? I just saw Rogue and she looked…”

Marie, asshole. It’s Marie. And none of your business.

“Logan, wait! You can’t just harass her…”

Harass? I can’t and I won’t.

I just want to talk.

Apologize.

Up the stairs.

Turn to left, her room.

This must be it. Can smell her.

“Kid? Can… Can I come in? I…”

She’s fucking crying. Christ. Scared her.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just…”

“Oh, God! Logan, I’m sorry! I tried to remember you and keep you safe, and I failed and…”