GOD DAMN FUCKIN' A!

I am so fuckin' tired of everyone assuming that I'm gunning for Logan! What in the hell convinced people of that?

I mean, yes, I was physically attracted to him, but what straight woman wouldn't be? Hell, even Remy liked him.

Okay, not the best example. Remy, like a dog in heat, goes after everyone. But still. One must admit, Logan looks damn good in jeans.

But come on, have you seen my husband?

Scott outshines Apollo. And, hell, he communicates with words, not grunts! And while I don't doubt Logan would be great in bed, let me tell you, Scott can do things with and without the aid of his visor you wouldn't even dream of.

I love, cherish and adore my husband. So where the fuck does everyone get off looking at me like I'm the whore of Babylon because Logan made a nonsensical remark after he literally had the life sucked out of him?

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? Do they think because Logan made a pass at me, barely flirted with me, I somehow cast a spell on him? "Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble", and all that (although it could be argued that the witches of Macbeth did not actively cause the exact events of the play to occur, merely predicted the broad outlines. But that's an subject to take up with Scott.).

Anyway, I've got news for you, sports fans.

Logan flirts with everything that's a biped, for fuck's sake. As 'Ro said, he's sex poured into too tight jeans. He's...phallic. He's Priapic Man, that's what. He gives off the sex vibes, and people notice. And believe you me, he notices too. He's shameless. He works it. He walks around shirtless, just to get people to notice him.

Hmmm, never thought about that before. Does Logan have attention issues? Have to look into that.

At any rate, because some of those omnipresent vibes came my way, I'm the fucking problem.

Shit, there are so many things wrong with that. I can't even...this is a case of "praeterea censeo Carthaginem esse delendam," right? No matter what's going on, let's all agree that I'm the obstruction to Logan and Rogue greatness? I should just retire gracefully from the field? Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Besides, everyone knows that Logan and Rogue are made for each other and nothing could keep them apart. Except for themselves, of course.

Don't shit me, you knew it too. Don't you think it's a little weird that Rogue is the only one Logan spends any real amount of time with? That's she's the only one that he's consistently nice to (nice being a relative term, of course)? Hell, he's not even nice to 'Ro all the time.

'Ro, for crying out loud! She who can control the weather? She's a goddess! She's Athena, Persephone, Demeter and all those damn wind gods rolled into one. Who the hell can't be nice to 'Ro?

Logan's the only one who can touch Rogue without her flinching and jumping a mile away. He's the only one who can tease her about her mutation without her getting that damn faraway, distant look in her eye. Yeah, you know the one. Brings tears to my eyes almost every time I see it. Dammit!

And for the love of all that's holy, have you seen how they look at each other? I don't know what Scott wrote about them, but from what Ororo wrote, he probably said something about the looks burning holes in the walls, which he knows something about.

Holy crap. 'Ro's right. That joke is fucking horrible.

Anyway, Logan and Rogue are obviously going for each other. All the teasing, the longing glances, the leaning...I wonder if Scott mentioned that one ball? He probably did. Shit, even a man with damn lasers coming out of his eyes sees it! And he finds it romantic!

On a side note, I do find Scott's hidden romantic side wildly endearing. It's just so cute, you know? He struts around, being Mr. Leader Man, but inside he's replaying "Moonlighting" reruns and cheering on Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail" (Sidebar: "You've Got Male"-good porn flick). I love my husband.

Back to reality. While Scott finds the whole thing wildly romantic, it can be a bit tedious at times. Just do it already!

Yeah, I know, deadly skin, blah, blah, blah. Hell, there's got to be a way around it: holes in the sheets, fine gauze, latex (always an option for fun!). At the very least, have the grace to admit that you're hot for each other. Crimney. This type of behavior ruined "The X-Files". Ruined, I tell you!

So, I ask you again, why does everyone think that I want Logan? I swear to God, if I stood naked as a jaybird in front of him and offered myself to him to what he willed, he would walk away. Well, maybe...no, he totally wouldn't. He's all about fucking Rogue.

So Jesus, people, just lay off. I'm not the wily witch bitch of the mansion.

Fuckin' A!

---

Charles Xavier closed the journal carefully. He sat silent for a moment, considering his words.

"Well, that certainly was...colorful, Jean," he paused, "You know, I think this journal shows some interesting-"

"You think I'm crazy, Professor?" Jean interrupted, a small grin hovering around her mouth.

Charles shook his head. "No, I merely think that your tendency towards rage needs to be worked on a little more. I'm also concerned with this perception that everyone thinks that you and Logan are engaged in some sort of seduction dance. Why would you think that?"

The grin disappeared as Jean stared at him. "Have you looked at me, Professor? I'm fuckin' gorgeous! I've got legs up to my neck! Look at my cheekbones, this bone structure!"

Charles blinked. Rage and narcissistic tendencies with a healthy dollop of a persecution complex. It was worse than he thought.

The grin reappeared, full force this time. "Relax, Professor," her tone gently remonstrating, "I was just joking."

Charles blinked again. Rage, a persecution complex and a bizarre sense of humor with a tendency to act out. It was far worse than he had imagined.

Jean sighed. "If that last part were true, Professor, Bobby and Jubilee would have needed treatment ages ago."

More blinking. She had gotten stronger. "Yes, well..."

Jean shook her head and chuckled. "Good night, Professor."

Charles watched as she rose and left his office, then raised an eyebrow.

Just what did Scott do with that visor?