Chapter One - The Beginning of the End

Rogue lay broken and bleeding on the cold cement floor as her eyes slowly opened to her surroundings. Her breathing was hard and ragged, her lungs burning with each breath she took. It felt like a heavy weight pressed down onto her chest, denying her oxygen that she so desperately needed. She felt a warm liquid flow into her right eye and she quickly wiped it away before pressing the palms of her hand on the pavement in an effort to lift herself up. She stood on shaky legs as she viewed the area, noting she was in some sort of parking garage; her car parked just inches from her. The memory of what happened slowly took over her mind causing her to bring a shaking hand to her mouth, tears filling her eyes.

She had been attacked by a group of thugs while leaving the library late at night. She remembered hearing the scuffle of feet behind her and tried to stay calm as she sped up her pace, trying to get to her car as fast as she could without running. She had just pulled out her keys when she was grabbed from behind; being held with her arms pinned behind her back as others beat on her.

Rogue had to lean on the trunk of her car for support as another memory surfaced, causing her to lose her stomach lining. She remembered being pinned down on the cold cement as they tore at her clothes; each taking turns violating her. She could now feel the dull ache that lingered between her legs as more tears fell down her face and she allowed her legs to buckle, sending her to the cold floor below.

She hugged her legs to her chest and rocked her body, the desire to die growing in her heart. She had so desperately wanted to be able to touch and so she got the cure, but now she regretted it. If she still had her power this never would’ve happened and they would’ve learned not to mess with a mutant, but that didn’t change the fact she was human now and this had happened to her and she had never felt more alone; even when she was an outcast among outcasts.

She had no one. Ever since she left the mansion she didn’t keep in touch with anyone there, the professor was dead and Logan had left soon after the events at Alcatraz. It had been almost a year now and she hadn’t met anyone she really connected with, of course there were those acquaintances at work and school, but no one she hung out with in public.

After what seemed like hours of sitting by her car, she finally decided she needed to get to a hospital. So after much searching, she finally found the keys hiding under her car right beneath the driver’s seat. After unlocking the door, she climbed in and inserted the key in the ignition with a shaky hand. Taking in a deep breath, she put it in reverse and left the garage; heading to the nearest hospital she could think of.

******

As she pulled into the parking lot, she glanced into the review mirror, noticing her white streaks where a nice shade of red; undoubtedly from her own blood. Stumbling into the waiting area of the first floor, she felt like every head turned to her; their gasps making their way to her ears. She must’ve looked worse than she originally thought, that being the last thought flowing through her mind before collapsing from exhaustion to the floor.

******

Rogue awoke to the small beeping sound coming from the right of her, the bright florescent light above sending a small surge of pain through her head. She scanned her surroundings as she ignored the pain pounding against her skull and realized she was in a hospital room. She just wanted to get patched up; she didn’t want to be placed in a bed with machines attached to every body part possible. She turned her head to the door as she heard the doctor come in, his white lab coat flowing behind him as he looked through her chart.

“You’re awake. That’s good to see,” he said when looking at the paperwork.

“Can I leave now,” she asked in response. She just wanted to forget this whole thing ever happened.

“Well, you seem to be checking out okay, but we were hoping you’d be willing to give us a rape kit,” the doctor replied.

“I… I don’t know if I can. I… I just want to forget about this whole thing,” Rogue replied as she fought back the tears that screamed to fall.

“We’ve got a couple of detectives waiting just outside the room who are a little more than anxious to catch whoever did this to you and that kit will help,” the doctor explained to her in hopes of getting her cooperation.

“Will it hurt?”

“No. They’re just going to look for evidence and take a few pictures of you.”

Rogue allowed her eyes to wander around the room as she made her decision; she really wanted those thugs caught and to receive what they had coming to them, but she also just wanted leave the whole thing behind. She looked up at the doctor and slowly nodded her head at him, this was the only way to catch them and she was not going to allow it to happen to someone else.

******

There was one question that burned in the back of her mind and she knew that no one had the answer to it. She wanted to know why they didn’t kill her. Why they had allowed her to live after the crime they had committed on her, surely anyone would want to get rid of any evidence. Unless there was something that kept them from finishing the job, which being in a parking lot could have been very likely.

After hours of being poked, prodded and blinded by the flash of a camera Rogue was now back in bed. The doctor had given her a pill to take, being procedure to eliminate any life that may be growing inside her after a rape occurred. The detectives asked her numerous questions and many of her answers were ‘she didn’t know’. She didn’t know why they attacked her, why they raped her and didn’t know why it had to happen to her. She felt horrible wishing it on someone else, but she couldn’t get the events out of her mind. Every time she tried to sleep it would haunt her, causing her to sit up in a cold sweat; tears streaming down her red cheeks.

As Rogue stared out the window at the few puffs of clouds floating in the sky, the doctor came in once again with that chart. Sitting down in a chair next to her, he folded his hands together before speaking.

“Do you have anyone we can contact?”

Rogue turned her attention to him, keeping silent for a moment before turning her head to the window once again; opening her mouth to speak she said, “there’s only one place. But I haven’t seen them for almost a year.”

“Well, I’m sure they would want to know you’re here in a hospital,” the doctor spoke softly, not wanting to aggravate the fragile girl lying before him.

“There’s no one there who would care.”

“I’m finding that very doubtful. Do you have a number I can call?”

Rogue looked at him with a blank expression before nodding her head. He gave her a pen and paper so she could write down the number to the school. She wasn’t expecting anyone to come see her. Why would they? She had basically washed her hands of that place and never spoke to them again; she wouldn’t blame them if they never wanted to see her again.

******

The doctor listened to the ringing on the other end as he waited for someone to pick up. After the fourth ring, he was about to hang up when he heard a gruff voice on the other end, and whoever it belonged to didn’t sound very happy.

“This better be important, bub.”

“Is this the school for gifted youngsters in Westchester?”

“Yeah, who’s this,” the voice demanded.

“My name is Dr. Johnson and I’m calling about a young girl we have here. There’s been a bit of an incident and we need someone here for her. She’s going through a rough time and she needs a familiar face.”

“Who?”

“Well, she’s a Jane Doe at the moment. She came in with only her car keys, no purse and no ID.”

“I’ll be there right away,” the voice said before hanging up.

Dr. Johnson slowly placed the receiver back in its cradle before rubbing his forehead. This was the worst rape case he ever had and it was taking its toll on him. The girl seemed to be closing herself off to the world around her and it was going to take a miracle to open up that door.

******

Logan turned the bike into the parking lot and parked it just in front of the doors. As he entered the building he could smell the musk of death and illness. He hated these places, they always invaded his senses; especially his nose. Logan walked up to the front counter and looked at the nurse sitting in front of him.

“Can I help you sir,” she asked with a small smile. Logan could tell working at the hospital wasn’t easy for the girl, but she tried to hide her tiredness behind a smile.

“A Dr. Johnson called me earlier. He said you had a Jane Doe here.”

“You must be the man I talked to earlier. I’m Dr. Johnson,” the doctor interrupted as he rounded a corner; he stuck his hand out in introduction and Logan took it; shaking it lightly.

“Logan.”

“If you’d follow me, I’ll show you her room,” Dr. Johnson said as he turned to lead Logan to Rogue.

As Logan entered the room his feet stumbled as he saw who lay in the bed. Broken and beaten he just stared at his Marie, who stared at nothing but clouds as they drifted past. He took a few steps towards her as he fought the tears that yearned to be freed from their lidded prison. Logan sat in the chair next to her and placed his hand on hers, flinching when she quickly withdrew from him without even looking at who touched her. She curled herself up into a fetal position as she continued to stare out at the blue and white sky.

“Marie,” Logan spoke in barely a whisper.

Her head turned slightly at the sound of his voice, but she retreated back into herself as if he wasn’t even there. Logan felt helpless; if only he hadn’t left then maybe this wouldn’t have happened to her.

He was outraged to come home after months on the road to find his Marie gone. She was the main reason for his return, he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and keep her there forever. His reason for leaving wasn’t what everyone thought, they all thought he left because there were too many memories of Jean there that it was driving him crazy. Truth be told, it was the thought of Marie being touchable and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his hands to himself.

But now, now she was back to being untouchable. Something had happened to her that Logan was not yet aware of to make her hate the feel of someone else’s skin on hers, and Logan could feel the anger rise in his chest at what that could possibly be. Turning to look at the doctor, Logan stood from his spot in the chair to stand mere inches from the doctor.

“What happened,” he asked gruffly, his hands in fists as he fought back the claws pressing ever so slightly against his flesh.

“I think you should come to my office.”

“Please, take a seat,” the doctor said as he motioned Logan to a chair in front of his big mahogany desk.

Without a response, Logan did as instructed and awaited the news about Rogue… about Marie. The doctor sat opposite of Logan, the desk sitting between them as he placed a nilla folder on top of it; clasping his hands together to rest on the folder.

“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it,” the doctor began. “She’s been raped. And it appears by numerous men and done repeatedly.”

Logan struggled to hold his claws behind his skin, the news about Marie filled his body with anger and it was taking all his willpower to keep the Wolverine at bay. He could feel his teeth grind together as he tried to hold back the growls that yearned to be released from his throat. He wanted nothing more than to find the men who did this to her and the temptation to tear the doctor’s office apart as an excuse for a poor substitute was becoming unbearable.

Seeing the facial reactions to the news, Dr. Johnson knew this man was close to the woman who lay empty in one of his hospital beds and it made giving the rest of the bad news difficult.

“There’s more,” Dr. Johnson spoke, afraid of what reaction would come from the man in front of him.

“More? You’re telling me it’s worse than this?” Logan growled, the tips of his claws now peaking through his skin.

“It appears they did more than rape and beat her. They did some torturing. We found some bad abrasions on and around her vaginal area. There was a great deal of blood on her underwear and skirt, not just from her hymen breaking either.”

Dr. Johnson watched as Logan gripped the arms of his chair, his knuckles turning white from his tight grip and the worst news he could give him hadn’t even been determined yet.

“I would like you to bring her back in a month so I could do a check up on her.”

“For what? Pregnancy?”

“Yes, that. To make sure the pill took but we also have to check for…” Dr. Johnson’s voice trailed off, it was always difficult to mention the possibility to patients and their friends and family.

“For what, Doc?” Logan asked getting impatient and irritated with the doctor.

“We need to check for HIV. Just a procedure.”

Logan felt his heart drop. There was no possible way she could have HIV, it was Marie. Things like this never happened to people like her, she was too pure… too innocent for anything bad to happen. Her skin was bad enough, she didn’t deserve anything like what the doctor was saying.

Feeling his anger rise above the boiling point; he quickly stood and knocked the heavy leather chair over in the process. With a low menacing growl, he turned from the doctor and stormed out of the office; slamming the door closed in the process.

******

Two days had passed and Rogue was out of the hospital and now back at the mansion. Her old room was never touched and everything was just the way she had left it; Logan had tried to talk to her about what happened since she got back, but she just shut herself off from him and the world around her. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded about the sudden turn her life had made, but it seemed no matter how hard she tried to push it to the back of her mind it always came forth with a vengeance.

She stood in front of the window and watched as drops of rain pattered against the glass, shimmering in the moonlight; giving out a peaceful setting of sorts. She rubbed her upper arms as a cold chill fell upon her and turned her attention to the soft knock on her bedroom door. She didn’t reply, knowing full well who was on the other side and he would enter on his own accord anyway.

As if on cue, the door slowly opened and she watched as the well sculpted man entered, pity and compassion filling his eyes at the sight of her. Her bruises had faded only slightly and the cuts hadn’t changed in shape or color; not being able to stand the look he gave her she turned her attention back to the rain, silently begging it to wash her away from this life she now had to face.

“Marie,” she heard her name whispered and she kept her eyes on the window in front of her.

She could feel his presence behind her and her body tensed at the closeness. Her mind screamed at her to run, but she ignored the pleas in an attempt to have some form of control. She watched his reflection in the window and felt her heart skip a beat at the look she thought she saw in those hazel depths of his. The word ‘Love’ flashed across her mind but she dismissed it just as quickly as it had come, knowing all too well he would never have such feelings towards her. Yeah, he cared for her, but that was about the extent of it.

“Marie, you need to eat something. Why don’t you come downstairs with me?”

She continued on with the silent treatment as she rested her head ever so slightly on the window frame, fighting back the tears that screamed to fall. Logan hadn’t seen her cry once since he picked her up from the hospital and she wasn’t going to start now. She wanted to prove to him that she could handle this and that it wouldn’t break her; but she knew it already took it’s toll. It had since the first punch was thrown at her face and then her world just crumbled into a big messy pile when they raped her.

She remembered whimpering a plea for them to stop and screaming in pain as they forced themselves into her repeatedly. She cried for Logan, only a mere whisper, but she had hoped he could still hear her from wherever he had wandered.

She jumped at the feel of his hands on her shoulders and quickly scrambled out of his grasp, releasing a surprised gasp as her back met the wall. As her body shook with fear, she stared at him in silence with scared wide eyes not knowing if she should run or stay. She knew her reaction hurt him, but she couldn’t help it. The slightest touch, the tiniest graze scared her to death even from the only man she ever entrusted her life, heart and soul to.

“Marie…”

She looked at him for a moment before slowly shaking her head, she just couldn’t bring herself to leave the safety of her room and even though Logan swore he wouldn’t let anything happen to her it just wasn’t enough. She averted her eyes to the plush green carpet below all the while shaking her head still, ignoring the sounds of his steps coming closer to her.

“Please, let me get your mind off it,” he found it difficult not to pull her into his embrace, but knew if he did she’d probably go into hysterics.

She allowed her eyes to trail back up to meet his and she furrowed her brow in anger; she couldn’t believe he thought it’d be so easy. So with that thought in mind, she found her voice for the first time in two days.

“It’s not that simple Logan. You don’t just forget about something like this! Don’t you think I’ve tried to forget it and pretend it never happened? I have and I’ve failed miserably. The nightmares don’t seem to help much either. You wanna know how bad it is, Logan?”

“My nightmares are so horrible I’d take yours any day. You have no idea how it feels to have someone shove themselves inside you over and over again that you think the pain is actually going to kill you. And by the time they’re done, you wish they had killed you because that fate would be much better than the one they gave you on a damn tarnished silver platter! And let‘s not forget about the cuts, Logan. They showed it to me first. The knife. I remember how it gleamed off the dim lights of the garage. Right before they lifted my skirt, cut my nylons and the sensitive skin between my legs, Logan. The pain is still there, the cuts are still unbearably painful, but I have to deal with it.”

“No, baby. No, I‘m here. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he replied as he raised his hands to cup her face so as to wipe the tears that were now falling down her broken face and he jumped as she smacked his hands away as she screamed at him.

“Don’t touch me!!”

His heart damn near broke at the sight he was witnessing, she now backed herself into a corner and was rocking herself back and forth while whimpering incoherent words; her hands gripped her hair tightly as they clenched into fists, causing her knuckles to turn white.

“Marie, God baby! Tell me what to do?!” He pleaded with her, he was at a loss and seeing her this way was tearing him up inside.

“Just go!”

He couldn’t believe what he had just heard, he thought she would beg for him to hold and to soothe her to sleep or to rid her of the pain she was in, but nothing prepared him for this. She always loved to have him around, even during her hard times. He was her rock and he was proud to admit it, there was no denying who she would turn to for comfort, but now… now she turned to the dark loneliness of her room for comfort.

“GO!!” She screamed again as she lifted her head quickly to look at him, her hair flying in the process only to land around her shoulders once more. Tears poured from her eyes as anger flashed through them, daring Logan to stay. He recognized that look, he was on the receiving end quite a lot with her, hell he had delivered a few himself and knew there was no talking sense into her, at least not for the time being. So, with a slight head nod he turned and headed out the door; the pain in his heart growing with each step he took.

*****

Logan awoke the same night to the smell of blood filling his nostrils, Marie’s blood. Lunging himself from the bed in just his sweats, he rushed out of the room with full speed; the only thing on his mind was getting to Marie.

Busting through the door, the odor of her blood led him to the bathroom and without hesitation he knocked it open to find Marie sitting on the cold tiled floor by the toilet; tears streaming down her face as she held a knife in one hand while the other poured blood out of her palm. Her arms were also etched with deep cuts, blood flowing freely to the floor at her feet.

“Jesus, Marie! What are you doing!” Logan exclaimed as he quickly snatched the towels that hung at the rack by the shower; wrapping them tightly around her arms and a small wash cloth around her hand.

“I… I thought if I scared it, it would bring it back,” Marie replied, not making any sense to Logan.
“What are you talkin’ about, Darlin’?”

“My skin,” she replied as she watched her blood stain the once white towels. “I thought if I scared my skin it would bring my mutation back. That way no one could touch me without getting hurt.”

Logan wasn’t sure what to say to help ease her pain, so without a single word he picked her up in his arms and left the room. She struggled against his hold, but he was too strong and in her weakened state, there wasn’t much she could do.

She found herself in the infirmary with Hank hovering over her as he struggled to stop the bleeding in her arms. She allowed the tears to fall as she felt his touch, causing her heart to pound impossibly in her chest. She would’ve tried to run had she not been sedated first. She knew Logan wasn’t far away, possibly standing on the opposite side of the table, but she couldn’t bring herself to look. She felt ashamed at what she did and to see the look in his eyes would only bring heart ache, and she didn’t need that. Not right now.

****

Hours later she felt her heavy eyelids lifting, only to squint shut from the bright lights above her. She heard a rustling sound next to her and knew who it was.

“Darlin’?”

“Logan?” She spoke in a groggy voice.

“Yeah, Marie. It’s me,” she heard him say and felt his hand slid into hers. She tried to break the hold but he held tighter.

“No, Marie. I’m not letting go.”

“Logan, please.”

“I need you to know how this feels, Marie.”

“How what feels,” she asked as tears fell from her eyes to glide down her temples and into her ears.

“This,” he replied as he leaned forward to stroke her hair with his free hand, the gentle feel of his fingers lightly rubbing her scalp sent a pleasant chill through her body and caused her to relax against his touch. It was the complete opposite of what she experienced only days before and a small smile crept up on her lips. She opened her eyes to stare into his and she saw a glint of relief flash through the hazel eyes that belonged to Logan.

He allowed his hand to travel lower until he was lightly grazing her cheek, upon instinct she went to pull away but he took his other hand from hers and gently held her head in place. He feathered his fingers down her cheek and traveled under her chin to brush up on her other cheek and without any other thought, he leaned his head closer to hers until their lips were just inches apart. He could hear her breath hitch in her throat, but he had a feeling it wasn’t out of fear. So, with that as a sign he closed the distance between them to place a small, gentle kiss on her lips and he felt a smile form under his own.