Sometimes I sit here and stare out the window. There’s so much emotion locked within me. Anger, fear, sadness, grief, happiness, elation, love…twisting around until they’re confusion is almost clear.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be thirty years old and I’m sitting here wondering about you. I wonder if you’ve ever thought of me. If you’ve ever wondered about the woman your little girl grew up to be.

I’m not the same shy, insecure little girl anymore Momma. I’m a grown woman in control of my life. I have a lover, a friend, even a baby now and you’re missing out on it.

This morning I stood in front of my mirror and stared for half an hour. My brown eyes stared back at me…eyes that I remembered from when I was little. Everyone always said I got your eyes and I guess that’s true.

I think about how it aint fair
That you weren't there to braid my hair
Like mothers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom
Like mothers do
Did you think I didn't need you here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all


Where were you when I nearly died? Where were you when my heart got broken, when I graduated? You weren’t there for so many of the things in this life that are important to me and now you’ve lost your chance.

I’m glad though that all I got was your eyes. I wouldn’t want your heart, or your opinions about people like me. You called me a dirty mutie, a freak, a whore when you threw me away.

Last night I listened to someone tell me that I’m unique, I’m special, I’m loved, I’m accepted and loved. I don’t need you. Still I wonder if you ever think of me. I wonder if you want to see me.

The thing is Momma, you can’t see me anymore. I’m not gonna stay here in New York. I’m going North, going to the home of my lover, my husband, the father of my child.

I suppose its poetic justice because now you’re the one going to be wondering. I can’t forgive, nor can I forget. You’ve hurt me too much in so many ways and now I’m letting go. I’ve got someone who loves me, loves my toxic skin, my streaks, my ghosts, my voices…Goodbye Momma, I’m off to Canada!



Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
And just in case you're wondering about me
For now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off to Tennessee




I Wonder" by Kelly Pickler

Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your brown eyes lookin back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me

I think about how it aint fair
That you weren't there to braid my hair
Like mothers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom
Like mothers do
Did you think I didn't need you here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
And just in case you're wondering about me
For now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off to Tennessee