I totally thought I was over Logan. I thought I was finished with him: no more nightmares, no more pining, no more weird cravings for cigars and Canadian beer, and, most importantly, no more staring at Jean's ass or wishing I could smell her hair.

Then he came back from wherever the hell he was and all I'm thinking is it will be nice to have someone who will listen to me like he wants to instead of trying to change the subject to boys or TV shows or where to go out on the weekends. And he did listen to me. He also quit looking at Jean. I thought that was nice and maybe he'd also gotten over a few things until I noticed that he had started looking at me. Then I was thinking Not fair.

Why Not fair?

Because I had a dream last night. Me and Logan. I was in the library putting up books and his hands snake up under my shirt and he turns me around and kisses me. I woke up after that and couldn't get back to sleep. That whole day I got goosebumps looking at him so, naturally, I tried to avoid him.

I could avoid the real-life man but the dream man decided that we'd make love in one of the reading rooms. The night after that, it was the kitchen. Then his room and that's where we've been for the past three weeks.

I'm thinking Wait a minute, I thought I was over him. I thought I was finished with this crush and now I'm wondering if it is more than a crush. Crushes are what girls have on boys and what boys have on girls, but nothing ever comes of them.

I'm not a girl and Logan is far from a boy. So what is this?

He's really not my type, so I don't even know why I'm worrying. He's mean, he's gruff, he's hairy, he seems like he'd be every bit of his goofy little code name in bed. Yet there is something about him that makes him hard to avoid. Whenever I see him in the hallway and I turn the other way, I can feel his eyes darkening. I'm hurting him and I know it. Why?

Because he isn't mean in my dreams, he isn't gruff, he isn't the Wolverine in bed. He is gentle and sweet, like I never see him during the day.

There must be some of my dream man in the daytime man. I'm sure there is because, otherwise, why would I feel the hurt in him when I walk away? When he manages to catch up with me sometimes, why is his hand light on my shoulder, like he isn't sure if I want it there?

I'm beginning to think I do want his hand on my shoulder, his eyes on me. Like I said, he listens. I beginning to think he loves me and that I love him back, even though I'm scared. There must be something between us. Otherwise, why would I spend every night in his arms?