It’s quite amazing. What this carcass of mine is able to go through. I used to wonder what it would take to stop me for good. No need to wonder anymore. Found it from the road. The stopper. The one who can put me down in a matter of seconds.

It’s fucking ridiculous. If there’s such thing as a God, or some other higher deity, that guy must have pretty skewed sense of humor. Or deep-rooted hate issues towards me. There’s no other way of explaining how that kind of power has been thrust upon that fragile creature.

She’s so tiny I could snap her in half without even thinking about it. So used to hiding and staying out of the way, that half of the time I can’t even detect her presence in the room before she speaks. She blends in.

It’s unnerving. The way she can sneak upon me.

People think I keep tabs with her because some sort of guardian instinct has finally kicked in. That I feel responsible of her. Fuck. That’ll be the day…

I like to know where she is and what she’s doing. I have to know. Don’t want to skewer her just because she startles me at the wrong moment. She’s out of my radar, so fucking out that it’s not even funny, and when I can’t detect something, instincts kick in. And they’re protective all right. Geared to protect me. Me. Not some chick I know jack shit about. Especially me when that chick’s the only thing capable of disable me permanently.

Thing is, I kind of like it in here. Chuck and his team are decent people, and it’s not impossible to tolerate few rugrats running around when there’s free roof and five meals a day wrapped in to that same neat package. Don’t want to get thrown to the curb for maiming one of them.

I have talked about it with her. I can tell she’s trying. Trying to rise from the shadows, but it’s fucking impossible when those shadows have been welded to your being. I know. I know that from personal experience. She’s done all but hung a set of bells around her neck, and it seems that even that wouldn’t help much. She learned her lesson, undetected 101 when she was on the road. Kept her safe. Don’t think she ever imagined it would some day put her in harms way.

Like now.

“Logan… I think you can let go of me now…” Those eyes. So full of trust. She actually believes that I will let go of her throat as soon as I have identified her. Can feel her pulse racing under my fingertips. It would be so easy… So fucking easy. Just hold on until it stops ticking. Hold on until she closes her eyes. No need to worry about her sneaking up on me anymore…
“Logan… It’s just me… You can let go…” What if I don’t? What are you going to do?
“Can’t breathe… Logan…” Fuck. No worth it. Can finish her whenever I feel like it. There’s long and cold winter coming. I’d rather spend it in here that freeze my ass off in some dingy trailer.

“What are you doing up this late?” After all, I’m one of the teachers, and it is well past curfew.
“I just came to get something to drink…” Rubbing her throat. Will be pretty sore in the morning. Probably bruised.
“Here. Cold should help to swelling.” Chuck’s keeping the fridge well stocked with ice-cold sodas.
“Thanks… What’s keeping you up this late?” None of your business.
“Just came to get something to drink.”
“Nightmares?” And there it goes. It never fails. Those eyes getting so fucking soft and moist. Pity. I don’t need her fucking pity. And contrast to popular belief there’s more in me than just sex, metal and pain. I do have a life. A life I’m not willing to share. It’s mine.
“Nope. Go back to bed. You have early morning tomorrow.”

And what the fuck is that with all the hugging? Just because I don’t run away from her shouting and screaming every time she approaches doesn’t mean that I want her plastered against me like some sort of human squid. I don’t like touching. I don’t like her touching me. There’s a world of hurt waiting if she suddenly looses control of her skin. I’m no masochist. I’m not suicidal. I’m not fucking stupid.

Let go. This doesn’t feel nice.

“Have you… Do you have plans for tomorrow?” Why do you want to know?
“Not yet. Why?”
“It’s Saturday. Everybody’s going to swimming.” And why the fuck should I care? I don’t swim, kid, and you know that.
“Yeah?”
“I wasn’t going, and I know you won’t go either. I was just thinking… Maybe we could hang out? Go to see a movie or something?” Now, there’s an idea. At least that way I know where you are.
“Fine. I’ll come and pick you up at nine. Be ready.”



She huffs a little when she realizes what mode of transportation I have chosen, but climbs obediently to the front seat of one of the black SUV’s from Xavier’s fleet. She would have wanted to ride the bike with me. Hell, I’m not about to let her behind my back for nearly half an hour it takes to drive from here to city. Not that she would try anything. She’s not out to hurt me. She’s not stupid enough to try to hurt me in the speed I’m driving.

“Buckle up.” Again she huffs and rolls her eyes. I can survive from a collision with asphalt, but she would leave a sticky, wet spot on the pavement if she were to leave a moving vehicle abruptly.
“Buckle up, kid. This car won’t move before that seatbelt is on.”
“Fine. Happy?” Quite impressive imitation of me. Jesus. Like looking in to a fucking mirror.
“Yeah. Any particular movie you want to see?” Directions, directions, kid. I need to know where we are going.
“Well, there’s this one… I tried to ask Bobby to go and see it with me, but he didn’t want to go…”
“A chick-flick?” Doesn’t matter. Have no better things to do. Can sleep my eyes open. Pretty handy trait in certain situations.
“No! Nothing like that. But it’s foreign. And they have no subtitles. I thought it could help me to develop my French skills.”
“Okay. Where is it?”
“You remember when you picked Jubes and me from the mall last week?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s just around the corner.” Now I know the place. Have been there couple of times. Small theater. I know the owner. Jonas came from Sweden about ten years ago. Only foreign movies. Serious ones. Small budget producers making small budget flicks about big issues.

Why the hell she has to be so… So fucking cuddly? From the minute we sat on our seats she started drifting slowly towards me. Now she’s practically sprawled over my lap, and movie hasn’t even started! Come on! Give me a break!
“Scoot over a bit.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even notice…” Right. Tell me another one…
“It’s fine. Got a cramp to my thigh.” And there comes the hand. The amazing human-squid strikes again. Keep your fucking hands off already.
“Watch the movie.” And you… Yeah. You. Guy wearing that butt-ugly overcoat, stop fucking staring and shushing or I’ll give you a reason to scream.

It fucking never fails. We have gone out couple of times before. Just to eat and see sights, or watch a movie. And every fucking time there’s a concerned citizen around. You know the type. Too good to this world. Uptight little prick. Ready to scream bloody rape if I as much as dare to look at her direction.

“What next?” We still have several hours to kill. That flick took an hour to see.
“I don’t know. What would you like to do?” What would I like to do? It’s your party, kid. I’m just hanging around.
“Hungry?”

One thing I have learned is that if there’s nothing else to do, eat or sleep. Life is too unpredictable. There’s no way of telling when or from where your next meal is coming. Same goes with comfortable beds. And since I’m not as sure as hell going to sleep in her company that leaves only one option.

“That was good…” Yeah. You sure there’s not enough room for some more? I don’t think you ate the owner of this joint out of business yet.
“Where the hell do you stuff all what you eat? Do you have hollow bones or something?” She ate fucking more than me!
“No. But I learned to eat when there was food. There was no such thing as free meal when I was on my own, so I tried to get the most out of it when something edible came to my way.” Blushing. Cute. But healthy attitude towards food.
“Are you going to finish that?” My dessert?
“No. Here. You can have it…” And down it goes. Like she hasn’t seen proper meal in weeks. And I know for a fact she ate sturdy breakfast before we left. I made it for her. Slept late and kitchen was closed when we got downstairs. Hollow bones. Has to be. There’s not enough room for all that otherwise…



“Could we go up there?”
“Why the fuck do you want to do that?” Wasn’t the last time enough? Have you fucking lost your marbles, kid?
“I… We don’t have to go… I just thought… I thought it was about time.” Time for what? Round two? And they say I’m the insane one…
“Why do you want to go there?” And give me a good reason. ‘It’s about time’ won’t do.
“I have been avoiding it. You have been avoiding it. I think it’s time to put it to rest once and for all.”

You’ve been listening to professor’s lectures again, haven’t you? Let me tell you a secret. There’s nothing to put rest for. Nothing. Nada. It happened nearly a year ago.
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back there. What if they recognize us? We’ll end up behind bars faster than you can say ‘busted’.
“No. Do you?”

She has got to be shitting me. I can think up several better things to do. Already have. We don’t have to go back there. We don’t. Stop fucking pouting like that. I will not take you up there. I won’t. Nope.
“Uhh… There’s an exhibition at the museum… You like paintings, right?” Lame. Fucking lame. I do have better ideas. They’re right there. At the tip of my tongue. Just have to spit them out.

“Logan, come on. We have to do this. It’ll do good for both of us. Besides, you don’t even like museums…” Newsflash, kid. It won’t do any good for me to return to the place where you fucking killed me. I don’t need to go back there to remember. I remember it all right. Keep seeing dreams about it every freaking night.
“I don’t like that place either. Lets just go to see that fucking exhibition, okay?”
“No. Lets just go back home. I… I have been at the museum with Bobby already.”

Now there’s a kid that deserves a medal. Bobby Drake. Takes guts to date a chick that can put you in a coma just by touching you.



“Just let it all out, you’ll feel better…” Marie? What the fuck is she doing in here? Oh, Christ… Can’t even throw her out… Too busy to throw up… Get that fucking hand off from my back! Jesus…
“Go away…” Go to hell, fucking freak.
“I heard your scream.” No shit? Probably whole fucking mansion heard it… Don’t see Summers or any of them barging in… Just leave me alone… You’re not helping…
“Had a nightmare… It’s nothing… Go away…” Don’t touch me! Don’t fucking touch me! You don’t even have your fucking gloves on! Jesus!
“I’ll go and get you a soda. I think I saw some coke in the fridge earlier. It’ll calm your stomach…” Yeah. Good idea. Go away. Have to lock the door before she gets back in here. As soon as my legs are ready to cooperate…. Any moment now. I will get up from here and lock that goddamned door.

“Logan! What are you doing?” What does it look like from that side of the door?
“Locking up. Go to sleep.”
“But… I brought you this soda…” You can stuff it up your arse for all I care…
“Don’t need it, thanks. I’m fine now. Go to sleep.”
“O… Okay… I’ll see you in the morning. Good night.”
“Good night, kid… And thanks.”

At least she gives a shit. Which is more than I can say for the most of people around here. They’re nice. Good people. So fucking goody-good that I’m starting to question my sanity. What the fuck was I thinking when I took Xavier’s offer to join his little team of freaks? Yeah. I was thinking that at least this winter I wouldn’t be freezing my nuts off on the road. Even that is starting to sound more and more appealing. Just the truck, open road and me. No need to keep looking over my shoulder. No need to bend over backwards to obey every freaking rule and law. No need to go by the book. My world, my rules.

Fuck. Fuckety-fuck. Two days ago she went missing. Run off. Left a letter to professor, telling she needed some time for herself. I can’t sleep. I can’t sit still. I can’t eat, I can’t do jack shit because there’s no way of telling if she will bounce on me from behind the next corner and get herself skewered! And whom did they send after her? Take a wild guess. You probably won’t get it right for the first time, I’ll give you couple of chances. Nope. It isn’t me. Which would have made things hell of a lot easier. No. It’s not Bobby, which would have made perfect sense. He’s her boyfriend, for Christ’s sakes! No and no. Of all the people around here they sent Scott Summers. The boy wonder who wouldn’t find his own arse even if he tried with his both hands.

When I asked about it from the professor, he told me they thought it was the best if Scott went. That Bobby and I were emotionally too involved. Bobby? Definitely. Froze the whole dining hall when he first heard that she was missing. Me? Probably. There’s a good and well-deserved spanking waiting once Scooter hauls her back here. After that, if she’s still breathing that is, she will be grounded for the rest of her life. She will spend last of her years locked in to her room. Diet of hers will consist pancakes and pizza. Only things flat enough to slide in from under the door.

Fuck. I know she’s out there. She’s coming back as soon as she gets her head sorted out. Professor and Scott really shouldn’t intervene. I could of course go after her on my own. Give her a ride to somewhere. That way I would know where she is and I could relax. Someone is bound to get hurt soon. I’m too wound up.

First things first. I have to find out where she went. I know she gave some bogus intel to prof in her letter, he wouldn’t have sent Scott if he truly knew where she went. No help from that direction. I doubt she told her friends where she was heading. They’re good kids, but not the smartest puppies in the litter. They would cough up her whereabouts to first person asking for it.

“Everybody out.” Yeah. That means you two. Jubes and Kitty. Brats sharing the room with her.
“What’s going on?” Kitty. You’re sweet kid, but if you don’t phase that ass of yours out of here at this instant I will hand it to you on a silver platter.
“Out. Now.” I need to concentrate. Don’t need extra pair of eyes peering over my shoulder while I go through Marie’s stuff.

Hour later. Three assorted piles of knickknacks. Girl-stuff, everyday-stuff and her stuff. Most promising pile being the latter. Found them from the bottom of her closet, from a locked box. Postcards, obviously bought from a store, never meant to be sent away. A travel guide about sights in Alaska. A journal, written with her handwriting. Haven’t read it yet, but looks like it’s a some sort of travel plan. Everything she was going to do once she got to where she was going. And the most interesting item of them all, a buss-ticket. Not just any buss-ticked. She probably had paid a hefty sum for it. Valid for two months in most of the long-distance liners.

Stuff she obviously meant to take with her when she left.

Fuck.

Some fucker beat me to it.

She obviously wasn’t going willingly.

Only few questions remain.

Who took her?

Where?

Is she still alive?



She’s alive all right. Bodily unharmed. Working in a small diner. Living in a small apartment above that diner. And has lost her memory.

No wonder professor and Scott haven’t been able to find her. If I have understood correctly, Cerebro they’re using to locate her is searching brain patterns. Memory-trails of sorts. Something or someone has altered hers. She didn’t even recognize me when I walked in and ordered a cup of coffee. Didn’t even bat her lashes, just asked if I had cream and sugar with it. Chatted with her briefly, mostly about things happening in this shithole, and people passing through.

I can’t say that I’m not tempted to ride out of here and leave her be. She seems contended. Adjusted. Right at home behind that counter, pretty little apron wrapped around her waist. People seem to genuinely like her, which is more than I can say about folks back home.

Don’t get me wrong. She wasn’t shunned. She wasn’t abused. Nobody tried to take privileges with her. They just didn’t know what to do with her. How the hell do you cope with a kid that can fucking suck the whole world dry? She had friends. They were just that. Friends. Casual acquaintances. She had teachers. Xavier even adopter her when it became clear that her real parents wanted nothing to do with her. Yet she was alone. There was nobody close to her. Nobody she could rely. Nobody she could trust and put her fait in to when everything became too much to bear.
We are all too big cowards to let her get too close.

“Bella.” Wonder who picked up her name. Suits fine. All that creamy skin and brown hair, slender figure. Dress ending just above her knees made out of cotton with miniscule white and pink squares printed on it, covered from waist down with white apron. Sensible white shoes.
“Logan! I thought you were leaving yesterday! What can I get you?” That smile. I actually have missed it.
“Coffee and pancakes. Yeah. I was leaving, but something came up. Have to stay for couple of days more.”
“One coffee and pancakes coming up shortly. Anything else?”
“You wouldn’t have today’s paper?”
“Local okay with you?”
“Just fine.”

Coffee’s good. Pancakes even better. Paper? Just a sorry excuse to get an opening for a longer conversation. There’s always a possibility that this all is just a show to throw me off-guard. Have to find out if she has lost her memory for real.

“So… Little league?”
“Come on, Logan! Every town has one!” Again that smile, though now it looks slightly annoyed. She’s right at home all right. Defending this cruddy shithole like she was born here.
“Sorry, just looked like there wouldn’t be enough kids to form a team, let alone whole league…”
“Hmph… I know. It’s sad. But I think things are going to get better. New people are moving in every day. Young people. Couples planning to have kids.” Look around, darling. Only young people around here are you and that cook.
“It’s good to hear. How about you? Planning to contribute to the common cause?”
“Excuse me?” Don’t bat those lashes. You know what I’m talking about.
“You and hubby dearest. Already have a kid? Any plans to have one?” Blushing.
“Uh… No.”
“No?”
“Actually, there’s nobody… I live alone.” Hmm… That’s good to hear. Makes things easier.
“You’re shitting me. A good looking broad like you?” More blushing. Heck. Could make a game out of this.
“It’s… It’s complicated. But thanks… For the compliment.”
“Wasn’t a compliment. It’s the truth.” Jesus. Have to ease down a bit. She’ll pop an artery soon if I keep going like this.
“You’re not from around here.” I know that, but do you remember?
“No. I came from New York. Finished my studies there and decided to take a road-trip. Stopped here to get some gas to my truck and fell in love to this place.” Uh-huh… Really? And where is that truck of yours? Why is it still sitting in Xavier’s garage?
“What about your folks? What did they think about you moving out here all alone?”
“They… They died few years ago… A car-accident.” And we have a winner! She knowingly told me a complete lie!

Someone messed with her head, that’s for sure. Did a shitty job. Didn’t bother to alter her whole memory. Just blocked out unwanted sections. Why? Why the fuck you would screw up a kid like that? Okay, makes my life easier. She’s not a threat as long as she doesn’t remember who I am. But fuck… It’s not right. Who ever it was, they had no right to take away her life. No right.

Best thing to do would be probably take her back home. Xavier could probably help her. Take off those blocks. Maybe find the one who’s responsible for putting them in her head. But do I really want that? Wouldn’t it be the best for us all if she stayed here, living her life and not bothering me? And wouldn’t it bother me? To know she was out here alone? Half of her life wiped away?

Decisions, decisions… Why the fuck did I have to find her? Had I stayed home and minded my own business, I wouldn’t be sitting here. I wouldn’t be watching her scurrying around, wiping tables and pouring coffee. I wouldn’t be feeling so fucking guilty about abandoning her.



“Chuck? Yeah, it’s me. I won’t be coming back anytime soon… No. Everything’s all right. I’m just taking some time-off… Yeah. Have some things to take care of.”

I must be retarded. Or masochist. Or just plain stupid. Take your pick.

Right now I could be sprawling comfortably on a couch at Xavier’s, cold beer at hand, good game on TV. Instead I’m sitting out here, dangling my feet good five meters from the ground, praying as hell that the branch I’m sitting on will hold my weight long enough.

I have a pretty good view to her apartment from up here. She hasn’t come home yet. Basically it’s just kitchen, small living room and even smaller bedroom. I’m guessing that the door in the kitchen leads to staircase I saw earlier at the back of the diner. So the door in her bedroom opens to a bathroom.

Furniture looks worn but well kept. Few rugs on the floor, nothing flashy or colorful, just basic blue and grey. No paintings on the walls. A calendar hangs next to the sink, right about her eyelevel. Clean and neat place. Just like her room back at home. It was clean and neat before I ransacked it. Loved the looks on Kitty’s and Jubilee’s faces when I let them back in. Priceless.

“Honey, I’m home… Fuck you look tired. Rough day at work?” Tired? Let me rephrase that. She looks absolutely beaten. Rubbing her neck and ankles. Stretching her back. What’s that? She’s taking something out from the cupboard. Something small. Small plastic jar. Some sort of capsules… She sick or something? Would explain her exhaustion. Going sick to work is never a good option. But does she even have options?
“What are those for, kid?” Have to remember to check out that bottle tomorrow.

Making coffee. Don’t you eat? Or did you already eat at the diner? Probably. Is that… Yeah. Same coffee she used to drink back at home. Some flavored crap that’s supposed to taste like almonds. Tasted like shit to me. Looks like there are things that won’t change no matter how badly you’re messed up. Like the way she’s leaning against that table, waiting and watching the coffee maker, counting every drop. Mental problems? Who of us wouldn’t have? Seriously. Show me one completely sane person. I dare you. Take a good look around you, and show me the first sane person you can find.

She doesn’t have a TV. No computer. No radio. Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing to link to her to outside world. She’s isolated herself completely. But what’s that? Is that a book? A diary. She’s keeping a diary. Have to remember to take a look at it tomorrow.

Shit. It’s getting cold up here. And I don’t like the sounds coming from this branch. It’s about to give up. Well, it looks like she’s starting to get ready to go to bed. Not going to sit here and ogle her any longer. Can go through her underwear tomorrow if I feel like it.



“Hi, Bella.”
“Hi! The usual?” Usual? Christ. Have been here exactly two times and she’s treating me like a regular.
“Yeah.” One coffee and three over-sized pancakes from heaven with enough butter and bacon to clog up even my system for few hours. Served with that smile of hers. The one I couldn’t see even a hint from last night after she got home.

“What do you do around here when you want to have some fun?” There has to be something she’s doing. Something besides working and writing that fucking diary. Back at the mansion she wasn’t the most outgoing type, but she had hobbies. She had routines. She had things she did. Some of them even completely unrelated with me.
“Well, there’s a park and there’s a playground for kids. We have pretty well stocked library, and even a small movie theatre…” Stop! Fucking stop! I’m bored already!
“And that’s fun?” because if that’s your idea of having fun nowadays, I really have to pick you up and haul your ass to the nearest shrink.
“”Well… Yeah.” Dear God.
“Any place a guy could get a drink?”
“Oh, no! We try to encourage people to a cleaner way of life.” Cleaner way of life? And who the fuck is this ‘we’ I keep hearing about? Some kind of cult?
“Really? Is it working?”
“You have been her couple of days. Have you been outside of your motel room?” Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?
“Yeah. Went for a walk few times. It’s a non-smoking room.”
“All of them are. And smoking is… It’s not illegal, but we don’t courage people to do it.” No wonder people glared at me. And again that mysterious ‘we’. People living around here? NASA? CIA? Little green men from Uranus?
“Did you notice anything different compared to… Other places you have been?” Well, now that I think about it…
“Some things. It’s peaceful around here.” And that’s an understatement. If there hadn’t been people walking around one could have mistaken this as a ghost town. Stores have no flashy neon-signs advertising weekly sales. There’s no trash and litter lying around. Everything’s neat. Squeaky-clean. Like this place, this whole fucking town was wrapped to a neat little package sometime around sixties and left forgotten to a bottom of the closet.
“It certainly is peaceful. And we like to keep it that way.”
“Who’s this ‘we’ you keep referring to?” Spit it out.
“People who live here, of course. Who else?”



Quiet as a mouse now. Can’t go stomping around. I have no idea what kind of soundproofing there is between her flat and that diner downstairs. Fuck. It was hard enough to climb in here. She left a window open, don’t know if she just forgot to close it, or did she do it on purpose.

First those capsules. Most likely reason to her memory loss. They probably have nothing to do with it, but can’t hurt to check them out. Where’s that bottle… There. Crap. I hate when this happens. No label of any kind. Just clean white bottle. Christ! These things are huge! I wonder if she’s counting them… Better leave them for now. I can always come back later and take one with me if I don’t find anything else.

Fridge. Well stocked with healthy food. Vegetables. Whole meat. Fish. Real butter. Milk. She doesn’t drink milk. At least she didn’t used to. Said it made her stomach hurt.

Bathroom. Small. Toilet, sink and shower. No bathtub. Come to think of it, there’s no bathtub in my room at the motel either. Coincidence? Maybe. Toothpaste. One toothbrush. Soap bar. Shampoo. Conditioner. Plain brands. Not that overly scented crap she used back home. No deodorant. But talcum. Rose scented. What the fuck…

Bedroom. No magazines. No books. No small decorative statues. Bed made in military style. Drill-sergeant’s wet dream. Just neatly made bed in a small room. Dresser filled with clothes. Work clothes. New uniform for every day, probably to save time. She doesn’t have to do her laundry every day. Once a week is enough. But where the hell are her other clothes? The ones she wears when she’s not working? Okay. Underwear. Model grandma. Good God. Are those fucking support stockings? Come on! Bottom drawer. You have got to be kidding me. Shoes. Plain white sandals, just like the ones she’s wearing right now. Six pairs in here. One pair for each day.

This is getting weird. Too weird.

Living room. Small couch. Looks comfortable. Small armchair. Woolen comforter thrown bunched up on top of it. Getting sloppy, kid? A bookshelf. Empty bookshelf. There’s not even that mandatory layer of dust. Just squeaky clean empty shelves.

This is giving me the creeps. I fucking saw her coming home last night. Yet I can’t even detect her scent in here. Everything except that bottle of those capsules looks fresh ad clean, like it was just taken out of a vacuum. Even furniture. Last night from a distance they looked a bit worse to wear, but now… Model looks old, but that couch looked like nobody had ever sat on it. This whole fucking apartment feels like nobody ever lived in here. Like it just popped up from nowhere.

Fuck. I have to get out of here. This is… Fuck. Out. Now. Window. It was fucking open just few minutes ago!

Can’t get this open. Come on! Open up! I have to get out of here! I think something’s coming. Straight through the walls. I have to get out of here! Now!

“Holy shit.”

Too late.

“I wouldn’t jump if I were you.” No shit?
“Kid? What the fuck is going on?” Because this is definitely creepy. And weird. Not in my comfort zone. Not even in the fucking same state with my comfort zone. If I don’t get an explanation, sensible, reasonable explanation and a way out of here somebody’s going to get hurt. I don’t much appreciate when people mess up with my head. Been there, done that. Once was fucking enough!

“Care to tell me exactly how I ended up from your apartment on top of this fucking statue?” And I swear the God you’d better come up with a good explanation before I’ll start hacking off body parts.
“Ever since you rescued me from Magneto you have been acting weird. Everybody’s been scared of you.” So? Isn’t that the natural state of things? I’m the Wolverine. The resident maniac. Doesn’t it make perfect sense for them to be scared of me?
“I don’t fucking care if they’re scared of me or not. What I do care about is getting the hell out of here. Now.”
“Door is locked. It’s already past visiting hours.” I’m supposed to spend a whole fucking night up here with Marie?
“And who’s the mastermind behind this little delightful prank?” Actually, don’t answer to that one.
“It’s Xavier. Isn’t it?” Wheels is going to get his gut pierced as soon as I can get my claws on him.
“Yes. This was professor’s idea. He thought… Oh, no. I have to go!”
“Marie!”

Jesus Christ! She just climbed over the railing and jumped off! What the fuck…



“What can I get you?”
“Coffee. Black.” She doesn’t even know who I am. Those eyes, looking straight at me. No recognition whatsoever. A waitress in a small diner, I’m probably her last customer before she turns on the closed-sign on the door and goes home to sleep off those black blotches from under her eyes.
“Passing through?”
“Maybe. Have some things to take care of, might take couple of days. Then I’m heading back home.” Smalltalk. Just like thousands of other waitresses around the world.
“And where would that home be? You look like you’re awfully far from it.” Yeah. I’m far from home, kid. But so are you. And for some fucking reason you don’t know me. Don’t know me at all.
“N.Y.”
“You are far from home. You a trucker?”
“Nope. Just looking for something. You closing up soon?” Good coffee. She still knows how to make it. Just a little short from melting the spoon I’m stirring it with.
“Probably. Not too many customers coming around after nine. You have a place to stay?”
“Not yet. But I saw a motel down the road, few kilometers from here.” You’re thinking something. That line that appears between your eyes, just above the bridge of your nose…
“You a decent man?” What kind of fucking question is that?
“What do you mean?”
“I have an extra room upstairs. Would save you the trouble of driving back to that motel.” How fucked up from the head are you, kid? You don’t go offering a room to a guy you just met.
“How much?”
“Free.” Free? There’s no such thing as free room. There’s always a catch.
“Free? I kind of doubt that…”
“You look like a good guy. And the thing is… Well… It gets lonely out here. This place is little off from the main road and… Shit. Okay. I have been hearing weird noises from outside lately. Always after dark. I know this sounds like a lame pick-up line, but I’m serious. There’s something going on, and I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Get a dog.” It fucking never fails. They take one good look at me and…
“Please? I wouldn’t be bothering you. Free room. Hell, I toss in free meals as well. I really could use some company.” And bribing will get you surprisingly far, darling.
“Okay. I’m Logan.” Fuck! What’s the matter with me? I do not shake hands with lethal little girls! Christ! Fuck, fuck… Wha… She’s touching me. With her bare skin. Her hand on mine.

Let go. Let go. Please, let go. Let the fuck go of me, now!

“Nice to meet you, Logan. My name is Marie.”

At least she remembers her own name, even if she has forgotten everything else. Wonder if she knows about her mutation? Didn’t look like it. Yeah, she learned to control it after Liberty. To some extent. Back home she was still as careful as ever, wearing gloves and long sleeves, covered from head to toe. I think I was the one person she willingly touched. Jeesh. What an honor. Would have gladly gone without those touches. It fucking hurt when she drained me.

“Bathroom’s over there. Sheets are clean. I don’t have TV or any books, I just moved in about a month ago myself…”
“It’s okay.” Wasn’t going to read or stare at the tube anyway. Or sleep. Have a long night ahead of me. Have to find out what the fuck is going on in here, and why the hell she doesn’t seem to remember a thing past two weeks she has been gone.

On the other hand, I’m beat. Feels like there’s a ton of sand under my eyelids. And that bed looks comfortable. Awfully comfortable. And I can lock that door from the inside. I will wake up soon enough if anything tries to get in. She’s good at sneaking around, but I’m the best there is.

Oh, Christ… How can something feel this good? It’s fucking better than sex. Just flat on my stomach, eyes closed. Feels like everything’s spinning and floating, but not in a bad way… I feel fucking weightless… Good God… Not a bad idea this sleeping… Not bad at all… If I just could get that nasty crick from my lower back to loosen up, everything would be just peachy… Marie… Just that thin wall between us. Have to be careful. She doesn’t remember… Remember her skin… This is so fucking good…

And what the hell was that?

Does she have a cat? Or a dog? Wouldn’t I have smelt it when I came in?

What the fuck is that noise? Like something’s scratching the door… Wonder if that is that noise she talked about earlier. Could of course go and check it out. Should go.

What the fuck am I doing? Laying here while God knows what crawls around in her apartment?

Nothing behind the door. But there are marks on the paneling. Somebody scratched it alright. Three gauges? There’s no animal with three fingers. Those look almost like… Like I did those? What the fuck is this shit?

“Logan?”
“Yeah?” Good. She’s awake.
“Did you hear it?”
“Yes. There’s somebody in here.” But where the fuck our visitor is hiding? It’s not like this place is spacious or anything. Two bedrooms, kitchen and a small living room.
“I heard window opening in the kitchen just few moments ago.” And why didn’t I hear that? I’m the one with super senses, after all.
“Kitchen?” I don’t want to go there. There’s nothing important in there.
“Yes… Did you hear that?”

Why the fuck she has to be so clingy? One murmur from dark kitchen and she’s trying to crawl up to my bones! Let go! I don’t like people pawing at me!
“Don’t touch. I don’t like people touching me.”
“Sorry… I’m just so scared…” Fuck. So am I, but do you see me hiding behind your skirt? Clinging to your arm? Back off!
“What is it?” Don’t know, but from the sound of it something big. A bear? And how the fuck would a bear get up here, Einstein?
“I don’t know. Is the only light switch inside the kitchen?” I can’t see. I can’t smell. I can only hear something moving around, growling and murmuring. Has to be some kind of animal. Human would have attacked us already instead of waiting patiently until we form a plan to attack and put it in action.
“Yes. Be careful… Logan, be careful…” Stop whining.
“I’m always careful, kid. Don’t worry.” What ever there is, it can’t be worse than me…

Fuck me! It’s me!

“Logan! No! Professor, you have to stop this!” Professor? Shit… Scenario… Breathe, have to… Breathe… Oh, shit… Just a hologram…

“I’m afraid we’ll just have to let him run through this course.” Fucking Xavier, I’ll gut you for this. If there’s anything left of me after this… Scott enhanced my replica month ago. Heals just like I do… Jesus those claws hurt when they go in…
“Professor! Stop this!” Shit. Marie. She’s coming in…
“Get out, kid! Get out!” Scott programmed my holo just few weeks after Liberty. I was seriously pissed at her back then.
“Marie, get the fuck out of here!” It’s going after her, have to stop it, have to stop it! What the fuck was my password…
“Laughlin! Computer, code Laughlin! End scenario!”

That was close. Looks like she’s all right. Jesus… That fucker tore me up pretty bad.
“Kid? Are you alrig…”



“Hello, there. What can I get you?” Marie? I’ll fucking strangle her. Have been busting my ass off, tearing half of country to bits trying to find her, and she has the nerve to ask what she can get for me?
“Coffee. Black.” And an explanation. What the fuck have you been up to?
“One coffee coming. Anything else?” Yeah. Bend over, kid. There’s good spanking coming to your way.
“Marie?”
“Yes? That’s my name. Says right here on the nametag. Now that we have established your ability to read, will there be anything else? I’ve got other customers to serve.” What the fuck is she playing at?
“What’s going on?” And start explaining. Fast. And don’t look at me like that. You never look at me like that. Like you don’t know me… She doesn’t know me?
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing. Nothing… Just tired. Drove all night…”
“You a trucker?”
“Nope. Just looking for something…” Christ, this feels somehow familiar. Deja vu.
“Well, I hope you find it, what ever it is that you’re looking for.” And sailing off, that pretty little ass swaying. Dishrag on one hand, pot of coffee on the other. That dress… Has she something similar back in home? And those shoes… Like I have seen those on her some time before. Marie I know wouldn’t get caught in those puppies. No heels. Plain, white leather sandals. Sensible. Good for feet. This all feels so familiar. Like I have done this before…

I must be more tired than I thought. Better head back to motel. I can snoop around more tomorrow.

What the crap is that noise? Like a freaking ventilator… Can’t move. Can’t say I want to…
“Logan? Are you awake?” Marie? Yeah, I’m wide-awake kid. Can’t open my eyes. Can’t talk, there’s something in my throat… Tastes like plastic…
“You’re going to be all right. It was a close call, but you’re going to be all right. I talked with professor. He agreed that it would be for the best if we stopped and let things settle down on their own.” Huh? Jean and prof? I must be in med lab.
“I… I know you’re still angry with me. It’s okay… I guess I would be, too. I… Professor arranged me an apartment from the city. That way we can work around this thing. You don’t have to see me anymore if you don’t want. I move out, and if I’m coming to visit for some reason, I’ll call to professor first. He’ll tell you, and it’s up to you if you stay or leave. That okay?” Okay? Fuck no!

Come on. I can do this. Just open those fucking eyes first… Oww… Bright light, bright light!
“Hi. How do you feel?” Feel like shit. Probably feel better as soon as I can get all this junk off from me… Fucking Jean… I’m not some freaking pincushion…
“Here, let me help you with that…” So it was a ventilator? Oh, shit… Not going to gag… Not going to gag…
“What the hell happened to me?” Because it looks like I have gone ten rounds against a fucking meat grinder. There are more bandages and stitches than actual skin visible.
“You’d better talk about that with professor. If you’re all right now, I’ll go…” Like hell you are. This shit isn’t funny.
“Logan, please… Let go of me…”
“Scared of me?”
“No…” And that’s a fucking lie. She practically wet her pants as soon as I grabbed her wrist.
“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

Of course there’s no specific reason to crowd her like this, but it’s kind of nice to turn tables. Scent of her fear is almost enough to drown me. And Jesus Christ it smells so fucking sweet. All it took was one good squeeze around her throat.
“Logan… Don’t do this. Just let me go, okay…”
“Give me a reason.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt anymore… Please, let me go, before professor finds out…”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“What do you remember before waking up now?” Start talking some sense, kid, before this urge to beat it out of you grows too hard to resist…
“What do I remember? We were in the kitchen. I told you to go to bed. Then I… I…” And fuck if there isn’t yet another chunk of my memory missing!

“How long?”
“What do you mean, Log…”
“How long was I out? How long has he been messing with my head? How long, Marie!” Uh… Backing off now. Her skin is on. I can smell the change in her scent. Okay. Just cool down, asshole. Shouting at her won’t do any good.

“A day. They… We thought it would be for the best if professor took a look in to your head. He was just going to see what was going on. Why you tried to strangle me. When he found out why, he was convinced that he could help you. Help us all. We put you in to Danger Room, and professor created a scenario… I think he tried to make you see that I wasn’t a threat to you. Something went wrong. I know it did. Professor doesn’t see it that way. He would like to continue the therapy as soon as possible, but I managed to talk him out of it.”
“A scenario? Why the fuck I remember exactly nothing about it?” Help me out here, kid.
“Umm… I don’t know. I’m guessing it’s because of that something that went wrong…” Wrong? Something went wrong? It sure did. Like fucking with my mind for the first place.
“What went wrong?” I was already screwed enough. I don’t fucking need people poking my head just because they think they’re helping me. Took fucking years to get my act together from the last time!
“I don’t know. But suddenly there were two of you. And the other you attacked you. Tried to get to me…” Well, that explains my condition. Must have been the holo Scott re-programmed about a month ago. But that doesn’t explain this.

“You’re scared. Why don’t you scream?” I would sure as hell been screaming my lungs out if she had cornered me like I did to her. Like I’m doing to her right now. She can’t run. She can’t duck. She can only stare at me.
“I don’t want professor to know about this. Just let me go and everything will be all right. I’ll move out, you can relax and everything’s okay…” In what fucking world are you living in? It’s not all right!
“Nothing will make okay the fact that Xavier tampered with my memory. Nothing will make it okay that you drained me. And if you think it’s okay to move out just because I’m paranoid and messed up… Think again.” How the fuck am I supposed to keep an eye on her if she moves out?
“But…”
“I need to know where you are. Back in the kitchen… Fuck… I was out of line. I’m sorry. But I need to know where you are. I’m… I… I know I’m not right in the head. I’m fucking scared of you, okay? Stay where I can see you. Don’t come close, but let me see you. Is that okay?” How low can I go?

What is she… Don’t. Don’t come any closer. Stop…
“Let me give you a hug. Please. I’ll… I turned off my skin. Let me give you a hug.” I just fucking told you! I don’t want you to… Oh, God… Let me go! Let me go!
“Kid?”
“Yeah?”
“Let go. Now.” I’m liable to claw you if you don’t let me go right now.
“Okay…”
“Just… Stay. Can you do that?”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Dressed up. After nine o’clock. Bobby Drake hanging from her arm. What the fuck is it with those two? Always sneaking around.
“We were going to see a movie. We have professor’s permission.” Permission? Oh, the curfew…
“What movie?”
“Logan, we’re already late. I’ll tell you about it when we get back home, okay?” You don’t have the time to tell me the name of the movie you’re ‘going to see’?
“Okay.”

“He freaks me out.”
“Oh, come on, Bobby. It’s not like he has done anything to you.” Not yet I haven’t.
“Always creeping around, stalking at your heels… Doesn’t that scare you? After what happened?” Scare her? Oh, Bobby. You have no idea…
“Can we not talk about this? We are already late. Just go and get your car out…” Leaving front porch, can’t hear what they’re talking anymore. Doesn’t matter. It’s not like I haven’t heard that particular conversation dozens of times already. It always ends up the same. At first they start picking on each other. Little remarks. Nothing serious. Goes on for couple of hours before they bring out the big guns. First Bobby, then Marie. Both accusing each other about things that they have no true power over with. Marie’s crush on me. Bobby’s crush on Allerdyce. Both infatuations long gone, and if they don’t stop dragging them out in the open, somebody’s going to get hurt.

It’s actually interesting to watch. I have a ringside seat to a never-ending battle. Literally. Granted, I usually get only Marie’s side from those fights. For some reason she has gotten in to that pretty head of hers that she can confide to me. I don’t mind her walking in to my room as long as she respects my boundaries. I sit on the bed, she on the windowsill. She keeps talking, sometimes several hours. I have long ago learned to filter all unnecessary out, and I’m only picking up new details when they emerge from the midst of her spiel. It’s like a fucking soap opera. And I’m only waiting for the grand finale.

“Fuck.”
“Hi kid. How’d the date go?” For Christ’s sakes! I have to stop smiling!
“Like you didn’t already guess. Bobby’s an ass.”
“What did he do this time?” Groped you? Would do you good.
“Nothing. Same old… I’m so sick and tired of this shit! Why does he always have to…”
“What? Spit it out.”
“He thinks I’m in love with you. Said that he heard Jean and Scott talking about us earlier.” Jean and Scott?
“What were they talking about?” Details.
“I don’t know! Bobby wouldn’t tell to me. Something about dreams. How somebody was projecting something, and Jean had troubles of sleeping because of it. Either one of us, or maybe us both. I don’t know.”
“Because somebody dreams too loud, Bobby thinks you’re in love with me? I thought he was smarter than that.” I really thought. After all, he’s managed to date Marie nearly a year without getting killed. And why is she blushing?
“Not because somebody dreams too loud. It’s the dreams itself.” I don’t get it.
“You have to be little more specific.” And here I thought it was physically impossible to get any redder than she already was.
“I think they were talking about…” Stop fucking mumbling.
“Excuse me?”
“Bobby told me that Jean was so annoyed because she keeps seeing us in bed. Every night.” Um… In bed? As in sleeping together? Or…
“Jean can’t sleep because she’s dreaming about us mating like rabid bunnies?”
“Oh, God, Logan! Why? It sure as hell isn’t me!” She’s red like boiled crab, nervous and sweating, but she’s not lying. This is getting interesting.
“It isn’t me either. You’re not exactly my type. I leave lethal little girls to their boyfriends.”

Okay. That went really well. As soon as she stops crying I can toss her out.
“Fuck you!”
“Well, fuck you, too! I’m not the one who walked in and accused me of perving after you!”
“I wasn’t blaming anybody about anything!” Oh, yeah?
“Sure sounded like that!” And how old am I again? Two?
“I just told what I heard from Bobby! I thought you’d like to know before they start asking questions!” Start asking questions?
“What the hell do you mean?” Calm down, buddy-boy. Calm down. For once, listen. Oh, no you’re not leaving…

“Logan, let me out!”
“Not before you tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know! I’m not the one with weird dreams! But if I were Jean, or any other adult, I would sure start asking questions right about now!” Huh? Stop shouting and speak English.
“What questions?”
“Questions abut those dreams and their source. Who’s the dreamer, and is there a specific reason behind those dreams. Questions that could easily land both of us in trouble…”
“Like I said, I don’t do little girls. I don’t dream doing little girls. And I’m not as sure as hell dreaming about doing you. Let them ask. If they come to you with their questions, tell them to come to me.” And now scoot. I have some things to take care of. Some things to find out. Time to dig up our little dreamer… And what the fuck are you doing now? I told you!
“Thanks, Logan… Thanks. I was worried, but… I’m not anymore. Thanks.” Stop sniffling and fucking hugging me! I don’t want snot all over my shirt! I don’t want those hands on me!
“Let go.”
“Oh, sorry…”
“Stop being sorry and try to remember next time. No touching.”

Shit. She actually is a nice kid. Decent company. I don’t want to keep snapping at her like that. I don’t like it when she hurts. Not really. Fuck… Why can’t she just keep her hands and other parts to herself? She tries to hug, I bite off her head. Figuratively speaking. It’s buried so fucking deep inside of me. Fear. Self-preservation. She’s the stopper, and I don’t want to be stopped.

Can’t remember when I have last been this wasted. Can’t fucking walk straight. Not that my legs wouldn’t cooperate. There’s nothing wrong with those fuckers. Nope. It’s my eyes. Useless pieces of shit… Go out first. Well, it wasn’t like there was much to see. Not in that dive, not for me at least. Same old truckers and bikers. Same old pool tables. Same old hookers. Same old bartender. Same old beer. Same. Day after day. More same and less sane.

Who the fuck had the bright idea to build this fucking place this high? Obviously a guy who doesn’t get drunk that often. Fucking Xavier. Messing up with me. How many floors was it? Two? No. Three. O-ohkay. Let’s sit down for a while. These steps don’t feel too sturdy. Tilting from side to side. Have to wait until they stop swinging. Where did I put that cigar…

“Logan? What are you doing?”
“What the fuck does it look like, kid?”
“Are you drunk?” Shit. Which one of those is speaking? One on the left? Or the one on the right?
“You’re drunk! Shit. We have to get you in to your room. Come on.”
“Get your hands off from me!”
“Sssh. Keep quiet. If somebody catches you drinking and smoking in here…” Come on!
“Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do? Drink, smoke, fuck around and kick some ass?”
“You’re supposed to put out that cigar and go to sleep before you wake up everybody.” Fuck you.
“I was doing just fine before you came. Sitting here, minding my own business…” And stop fucking with my hand, shit, nearly pulled it off from the socket!
“Logan, please… Come to bed, before professor finds out…”
“I was doing just fine on my own. Then you had to come along, and after that everything’s gone straight to hell. Man can’t even have few drinks without getting in to trouble!”
“Logan… Please? Go to sleep.”
“No.”
“I’ll walk you to your door. Come on!”
“No. You’re coming with me.”
“What? Logan! What are you doing? Put me down! Put me down, you’re going to fall!”
“I’m not that drunk. We’re going for a walk.”
“At least let me go and put some clothes on, first! And I have to tell Bobby…”
“What does Drake have to do with anything?”
“He’s waiting for me in my room. Now, do you mind?”
“Nope. Don’t mind a bit. Good for you.”
“Logan! Do you mind putting me down so that I can go and get some clothes on? And tell to my boyfriend that my psycho-freak friend wants to go stargazing at three-thirty in the morning with me?”
“Won’t mind about that either. I’ll come with you…” This’ll be interesting.

What? Stop fucking wagging your finger before I cut it off… I’m fucking bored out of my skull!

“Rogue? Where did you go?” Rogue? He’s sleeping with her and still calls her Rogue? Retarded punk.
“Go back to sleep, Bobby. Logan wanted to talk with me about something.”
“Logan? Rogue…”
“I’ll be out just a sec, I promise. Go back to sleep.”
“You really think I’ll let you out with that creep?”
“Bobby, please. Don’t start…” What was that? Is he getting up… Yeah. That’s my cue.

“You won’t mind if I borrow your girl for a while, won’t you, Drake?” This is so good. Little prick nearly wet himself.
“Actually I do. We were sleeping.” I’m sure you were.
“Sleeping? Don’t let me disturb you. Go back to sleep. We’ll take this outside. Come on, Marie, I’ve got your coat.”
“Bobby, please. Just go back to bed. I’ll come back soon, I promise.” Not tonight you won’t…
“She’ll be back by morning. Probably. Don’t wait up.”

“Where are we going?”
“Out.”
“This couldn’t wait until morning?” Nope. I won’t be drunk anymore.
“No.” And of course fucking with Bobby’s head gives this some added bonus. He’s a good kid. He has his moments. Just like Summers. But both of them need to loosen up some.
“What are you up to?”
“Don’t worry. You’ll like it…” At least if your earlier behavior is any indication, you’ll like it a lot.

“Sit.” Should have thought about this before. Long before professor decided to help. Screwed my head worse than those fucking docs at the lab.
“It’s beautiful out here. Look at all the stars…” Have better things to do than ogle blinking lights in the sky, kid.
“Take off your gloves.”
“But Logan… I thought you wanted me to wear them when I’m with you…”
“I changed my mind. Take them off.” Now. Before I chicken out. Fuck. I’m not drunk enough. I’m fucking sober.
“Okay. What now?” Oh, Jesus. Have to sit down for this. That’s it. Close enough. Fuck.
“Touch me.”
“Huh?”
“Touch me.”
“Logan, you said that you don’t want me to touch you…” Fuck, just do it already!
“Give me your hands.”

“Calm down. Nothing’s going to happen. I won’t hurt you. I turned my skin off. It’s okay…” It’s fucking not okay that I start trembling like a leaf from a thought of her touch! It’s not okay!
“I don’t want to be… I don’t want to hurt you.” And that’s the truth.
“It’s okay. Just let me touch you, okay?” You do realize were straight under your window, kid? And Drake’s standing up there, watching us? Better give her a fair warning.
“Bobby’s up there.”
“I know. Forget him. He’ll understand… Ready?” No. Never.
“Okay…” Here goes nothing…

Oh, God. I’m not drunk enough. Won’t be drunk enough. There’s not enough booze in this world. Her bare palms whispering over my cheeks. I just want to scream. Fuck. Have to keep breathing. She’s not going to hurt me. Not going to hurt me. But what if she slips? She’ll fucking drain me under ten seconds!
“Marie…” I need something to drink.
“What?”
“Could you… Could you let go…”

Way to go, big guy. I’m sure she doesn’t think of you any less of a man. Not even when you ran from her squealing like a girl. Shit.

Jean came to see me. Looks like Bobby weren’t the only observer that night. And she was dead on sure that something was going on between Marie and me. Fuck. I’m not suicidal. I’m not pedophile either. I dodged the ball and told her to go and talk to professor. Yeah. I’m turning in to a wuss. Hiding behind crippled old man. Not that I don’t respect Xavier. I have to. When you live under the same roof with the most powerful telepath in the world, certain amount of healthy fear and admiration could be the only thing separating you from an unspeakable fate.

I guess professor read her the riot act. She has been keeping her nose out of my business after their little meeting.

I don’t know. Maybe it would be due time to take a hike. Hell, I have been looking over my shoulder, stayed alert as long as I can remember. Compared to those fucks from the lab I’d much rather keep my eyes peeled for Marie. She probably wouldn’t even come after me. She didn’t come before; when she still thought she was in love with me. Now she has Bobby. She doesn’t even need to come after me for anything. Iceprick will take care of her. Of course have to make sure the punk knows how to treat her properly before I go. Can’t have the kid trailing after me just because Bobby broke up with her and she needs a shoulder to cry on.

What the hell am I thinking? She has friends for that. Jubilee. Kitty. Dozens of other kids of her age.

Still, can’t hurt to rattle Drake around a bit. He has been ogling that Allerdyce again. Jesus. How hard it can be to decide once and for all to which way to swing your tail?

“Bobby.”
“Uh… Hi.”
“Walk with me.”
“Umm… I had something to do…”
“You can do it later. I need to speak with you.”
“Okay…”
“Outside.” Don’t need extra pair of ears for this conversation.

“How’s it going with you and Rogue?”
“What’s it to you?” Stop stalling, asshole.
“Made it my business when I picked her up from the road between Nothing and Bumfuck.”
“Sure hasn’t looked like that lately. Why can’t you just leave her alone? Don’t you think you have harassed her enough?” Try to piss me off? You have to try harder. I’m feeling patient today.
“I’m leaving you all alone soon enough. As soon as you give me solid proof that she’s going to be okay with you.”
“Okay with me? Wolverine, she’s my girlfriend…”
“Why the hell are you drooling at Johnny’s heels then?” Blushing? Fuck.
“I don’t fucking care if you’re gay or not. Personally I prefer soft pussy instead of hole full of shit, but whatever rocks your boat… I’m only asking because of Rogue. Don’t want her sprint after me as soon as I’m gone because you decided it would be so much nicer with Johnny than with her.”
“That’s… That’s disgusting…” Disgusting? You haven’t even seen disgusting.
“Which is it going to be? Eventually you have to choose. I’ll make it easy for you. I’m going to stick around until I get my last paycheck this Friday. You have until Thursday night to decide. Rogue or Pyro.”

There. Good deed of the day done. Should have done that ages ago. First time I saw Drake checking up Allerdyce I blamed my overactive imagination. Second time it was harder. I think my imagination packed its tiny bags and moved out of the country years ago. Sanity followed soon after. But with my senses it’s kind of hard not to notice how Drake’s heartbeat accelerates every time Allerdyce walks in. Sudden spike in pheromones coming from both brats are no poor indicators either.

Fuck. He’s going to leave Marie.

When the hell do I learn?

“Kid?” Crying. That was quick. Didn’t think Drake would have had guts to do it. Looks like I was wrong. Little prick dumped her as soon as I turned my back after our conversation.
“Are you alright?” Moron. Of course she’s not alright. Try harder. And don’t fuck this up now. She’s hurting.
“Marie… I’m sorry.” At least she stopped crying long enough to breathe some. I think it was a good sign. Oh, fuck. No gloves, tiny top and even tinier shorts… Wear some clothes, woman!
“Come on…” I can do this. I can give her a hug.
“No! Don’t!” What the fuck?
“Don’t touch! It’s my skin… It’s… It’s hard to… Control right now…” Crap. What… There. A towel.
“You’re covered. Come on. You look like you could use a hug…” Does she ever. Would have probably cracked my ribs if they weren’t covered with metal.
“Want me to maim Bobby?”
“No… Why?” Uhh… This isn’t about him?
“Why are you crying?”
“I just got a letter from home… Oh, shit. I’m a mess…” No, you’re not. You’re pretty decent looking crier. No runny nose.
“It’s my dad… He… He died. Mom wanted to know if I was coming to the funeral…”
“Are you?”
“I don’t know. Bobby has some classes before summer break, and I don’t really want to go alone.”
“I’ll go with you.” And where the fuck did that come? I have to fucking stitch my mouth shut!
“Would you? It’s this Sunday. The funeral.”
“I’ll come with you if you really want to go.” Shut up, idiot! How fucking retarded I really am?
“It’ll take few days to get there. Can’t fly commercial.”
“Why… Oh. Metal detectors at the airport.” Smart chick.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to…”
“I’ll come with you. You shouldn’t go there alone.” You shouldn’t go there at all. FOH, KKK, ring a bell?
“When… Can we leave tomorrow? I would like to spend few days with mom before the ceremony. To see if she, if they understood why I had to run.”
“Of course.”

Black suit. Check. Black overcoat. Check. Sunglasses. Check. Temperature? Somewhere between sun and inferno. Overall temper and sanity? Somewhere on their way to Mars. At least this shindig is over soon. Looks like Marie’s dad weren’t the popular one. He didn’t have friends, period. Not after neighbors heard what his mutie daughter did to one of them. One of the brightest, a promising football-star. All-American favorite golden pretty boy number one. Who had the fucking audacity to come over when we parked on Marie’s parent’s driveway and tell her to go to hell.

“I don’t know how to thank you, Mr. Logan. We have been worried sick, not knowing is she alright, is she even alive.” Yeah. Right. That’s why it took fucking two years before you tried to find her?
“She’s fine. Getting good grades. Lots of friends. She’s a smart kid.”
“And what is it that you teach, Mr. Logan?” Teach? Do I look like a fucking teacher to you?
“I’m not… I’m head of the security at Xavier’s. We thought it would be best if I came along.”
“She’s tired. And sad.” Duh! How the hell that smart kid came out of this moron of a woman?
“Perfectly understandable reaction under circumstances…”
“Oh, you must think I’m… Of course she’s sad over her father. But that’s not all.” Enlighten me.
“What do you mean, Mrs. D’Ancanto?”
“I don’t know what it is… I have never seen her like this…”
“Might be Bobby.”
“Who?”
“Her boyfriend. Bobby Drake. She got a call from him when we were on our way here. I got the impression it wasn’t pleasant news.” Far from pleasant. Fucker had the bright idea to break up with her right then and there.
“Oh… More coffee?” Good God, no. You wouldn’t know how to make decent coffee even if your life depended on it. I bet it was your coffee that made your hubby croak.
“No, thank you. It’s been a long day. I think I’ll go to bed.”

“Kid? You awake?”
“Yeah…”
“Want to talk?” Please, don’t. I don’t want to come in there. Her room. It’s so fucking tiny, filled with frilly knick-knacks and I feel already clumsy as hell, only watching it from the doorway. Would probably break the whole fucking place just by stepping in.
“No… It’s nothing.” Fuck. You know better than that, kid. You know better than do this to me. Don’t make me come in there.
“Bullshit. It’s Drake.”
“Logan…”
“I fucking saw it. Saw it from the beginning. I should have said something. Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just… He left me because of Johnny. I never even had a chance.”
“Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“We’re already dressed up. Let’s see how drunk we can get.”

Bar full of rednecks. Check. Sawdust on the floor. Check. Cage? Check. Unending supply of booze for the kid? Check.

“Sit here. Drink. I’ll go and see what these neighbors of yours are made of.”
“Be careful, okay?”
“You know me. I’m always careful.”
“I’m not worried about you. Don’t kill anyone, okay? They’re stupid, but that doesn’t mean they deserve to die.”
“I’ll try to be careful.” Not.
“You know I’m not even supposed to be here, right?”
“I don’t really care. Get drunk, kid. I’ll make sure you get home.”

“Didn’t I tell you to sit back there?”
“I couldn’t see from there.” Fuck. That kind of was the idea. She doesn’t need to ogle men beating the crap out of each other. Not tonight.
“Fine. Go get me something to drink.” And if that fucking MC doesn’t stop shouting soon…
“Listen, bub… Which one of your balls you want to keep?”
“Huh?”
“I have had a shitty day. If I have to listen you yapping your jaws one more minute, I’m liable to mop the floor with you. Got it?”
“Got it….”

“Aaaand, ladies and geeentlemen! Do you let this man walk away with your money!” I guess he isn’t too attached to his jewels. That fucking squealing is giving me a headache. Ahh… And there comes the cure for that problem…
“Thanks, kid. Now, sit down, and stay where I can see you, okay?”
“Okay.” Fuck. Beer tastes like shit. Booze isn’t any better. Like piss. And I do know what I’m talking about. Don’t ask.

“I know what you are, bitch…” What the fuck? Kid?
“Leave me alone!”
“You’re that mutie that put David to coma. Hey, guys! We have a real, live mutie here!” Oh, for fuck’s sake…
“Let me out. I’m done for tonight.” Do I stutter? Open that fucking door! Now!
“You came with her?” What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
“Open the fucking door.”
“Okay. It’s your funeral…” Won’t be mine. But there will be funerals. Several if those fuckers don’t let go of her right now.

“What’s going on?”
“Stay in the cage, Wolverine. This chick’s a mutie.”
“Oh, yeah? You sure about that?”
“She’s a fucking killer. Poison skin.” Oh, I know all about her skin…
“Let her go. You don’t want to mess with what’s mine.”
“Yours? You can have her. If you can take her.” Five? Five men? A fucking insult. Not even worth the trouble.

“Don’t touch!”
“Logan, you’re bleeding!”
“It’ll stop in a minute. Don’t touch…” Fuck… There were six of them. One crept from behind and stabbed me.
“I have to pull the knife out.” Knife?
“It’s a machete, kid… See?” Right through the gut. Handle in my back, blade sticking out from my stomach. Trust me, it’s a machete. Not a knife… I know these things.
“I don’t care what it is! We have to get it out!”
“We have to get somewhere safe first… They’re still after us…” Thank God she knows how to drive…

“It’s stuck.” No shit? I don’t feel too good…
“Grab it… Put your foot on my back… For more leverage…”
“Okay… Ready?” Don’t go fainting on me now, kid… I’ll fucking bleed to death if you don’t pull that fucking blade out of me…
“I’ll count to three… Then pull, okay?”
“Okay…”
“One… Two,” Oh fuckingchrist!
“There. It’s out.” Yeah.
“How’s your math, kid?” Oh, shit… Have to get up…
“Fine. Why? Let me help you a bit…”
“I told you… On three.”
“It worked on two, too.”
“Whatever. Have you packed your bags?”
“Not yet. Why?”
“As soon as we get to your parent’s place, go and do it. We’re leaving before those fuckers come looking for you there.”

She’s driving. Has been driving for the past couple of hours. I’m not good enough to take the wheel. Lost too much blood. Can’t see properly. All my fucking senses are shot to hell.
“Kid?”
“What?” Tense. She’ll snap soon. Can’t blame her. But I’d prefer that snapping happening when she’s doing less than 120 kilometers in an hour.
“Pull over.”
“Pull over? Are you nuts?”
“Not right now. Pull over.”
“Logan…”
“Pull over, Rogue. That’s an order.”
“Rogue?” Oh, fuck. I’m in no condition for this shit.
“Mrs. D’Ancanto, I’d appreciate if you kept silent. I need to talk with your daughter.” Yeah. Had to take mommy dearest with us. Bitch refused to let Marie go alone, oh, she-would-never-part-from-her-daughter-again! Fuck. She’s in for a surprise. As soon as my body cooperates with my brain again I’m tossing her out.

“They’re not following us anymore. Let it out. Cry. Scream. Beat me up. Beat up your mom. Let it out now, because you’re not driving again before you’re okay.”
“Mr. Logan!” There’s one person too many in this vehicle.
“Mrs. D’Ancanto. Shut up. I need to get your daughter back in order.”
“Mr. Logan, I do not appreciate your tone…”
“Mrs. D’A… Marge. I have one rule. I don’t hit women. Ever. Don’t make me break that rule.” Okay. That’s a lie. I do hit women. I do hit kids. I do hit men. But never, ever without a good reason.

At least that shut her up. For now. I know that look she shot at me. As soon as she gets her courage back she’ll try to take off my head. Go ahead, mom. I dare you. Your daughter has tried twice already, and I’m still alive and kicking…

“Marie? Come on, kid. Talk to me.” At least breathe for fuck’s sakes. You’re turning blue from funny places if you don’t start soon… There. A sniffle.
“They… They tried to kill us…” Get used to it, kid. Get used to it real quick.
“Yeah. They did. But you know I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you, right?” Stop ogling, bitch. This is none of your business. In fact…
“Mrs. D’Ancanto? Would you mind stepping out for a moment?” She’d mind, that much is clear. But she’s getting out. Good.
“They hurt you…”
“I’ll heal. I’m better already. You okay?”
“No.”
“Good enough shape to drive and not get us all killed?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Step on it. We’re ditching your mom right now.”
“Logan!”
“What? She has her cell phone with her. We can’t take her to N.Y. with us. You know that. There’s no room for norms in Xavier’s mutie haven.”
“I can’t just leave her to the side of the road. She’s my mother!”
“Okay… Lets have it your way, then…” Fuck.

“Mr. Logan…” Oh, shut the fuck up!
“I couldn’t help noticing… From where did all that blood came from?” Well, where the fuck do you think it came?
“From me.”
“Are you injured?” Who the hell uses that kind of language?
“Got stabbed through the gut earlier.”
“Oh, we have to get you to a hospital!” Jesus.
“I don’t need medical attention. It’s healed already.”
“You’re… Are you a mutant, too?” No. I’m Santa Claus.
“Yes. I heal.” And have enhanced senses, which are thankfully clogged up right now. That perfume of hers would gag a maggot. Speaking of clogged up…
“Kid, pull over.”
“It’s okay. I can drive. I’m better already…”
“I need to throw up. Pull over or mop the floor afterwards.”

This is why I fucking hate gut wounds. All that blood, with nowhere to go. Just pools inside.
“Are you sure he shouldn’t go to a hospital?”
“I’m sure, mom. Don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry? Don’t worry? You show up, reeking alcohol, and this man… This man that’s supposed to be your guardian…”
“Mom, don’t. Don’t start. I’m tired. Logan’s tired. Can we just please not talk about this right now?”
“You shouldn’t even be driving…”
“Mom, it’s not like I’m drunk or anything. I didn’t even drink anything. My drink got spilled on me when those men grabbed me.”
“And what were you doing in that place? I thought you were sleeping. Are you sure this Logan-guy is someone you can trust?”
“Mom! He can hear us!”
“ I don’t care if he can hear this. You’re my daughter. I have every right to question his motives…”
“Can we just not talk about this, mom? Please.”

Fuck. This is almost as entertaining as her banters with Bobby.

“We will talk about this, young lady. You disappear for two years, then suddenly I find out you’re alive and well, living in New York. In a school for mutants. In a very expensive school.”
“Mom, it’s all taken care of.”
“I’m sure it is. And how, may I ask?”
“I have a scholarship. And I have agreed with professor Xavier, that I’ll stay there after my studies are over and help with other children.”
“And what about your boyfriend? The one I haven’t heard a peep from you?”
“Uh… Bobby? He’s… He’s not my boyfriend. He’s gay.”
“Funny. That’s not what I heard about…”
“Mom!”
“And what about this guardian of yours?”
“Professor Xavier?”
“No. Mr. Logan. He really isn’t the head of security, is he?”
“He’s not my guardian. He’s… He’s my friend. He came with me because I didn’t want to come alone.”
“Really? How nice of him. How well do you know him?”
“I have known him nearly two years now. I know him probably better than he knows himself. He’s a good man. He’s saved my life three times. It was him who first picked me up when I was running. Gave me ride. Gave me food.”
“And all that just out of goodness of his heart?”

That conversation is heading to not so pleasant area. What the hell is it with people? I better get back in there.

“Mom!”
“Ladies. Ready to switch the driver? Kid, scoot over. I’m taking the wheel.” Oh, and something else we have completely forgotten…
“Buckle up.”
“What?” Stop looking at me like that. I’m supposed to be the responsible adult here.
“Buckle your seatbelt.” Yeah. That goes for you, too, she-devil.

“Logan, please!”
“No.”
“Come on! You can’t do this to me!”
“I can and I will. You bunk with your mom tonight.”
“Why can’t I sleep in your room? There are two beds.”
“Because. Besides, it was your idea to bring her along. I’d book you another room if there were any left.”
“Please? I’m sick and tired of her nagging and questioning. I bet KGB would be proud of having her in its ranks.”
“Is that a way to talk about your mother?”
“Logan!”
“Come on, it’s just one night. It can’t be that bad.”
“Call Magneto and tell him he can come and pick me up from that diner across the street.”
“That bad?”
“Yes.”
“Uh… Kid. I’d really like to help you out, but your mom already has me flagged down as some sort of pervert. Wouldn’t want her to sic half of the army and state troopers at me.” And I really, really could use some private time. On our way here we shared rooms. Couldn’t get much sleep. Can’t sleep when there’s another person in the same room.
“You’re afraid of my mom?” That does it.
“Go get your stuff. Here’s the key. I’m going to take a shower.”

Long one. I’m so fucking tired, dirty and cold. Cold. Funny. Earlier today I was sweating bullets in that stupid monkey suit. Lost more blood than I thought. Still feel little wobbly. And why the fuck do they have to have bathtubs in every fucking room? Tried to ask one without it. No luck. Of course I could take a bath. Some people say it’s relaxing. I could. There’s no lid in this tub. There’s no lid in any real bathtub. I don’t think the one in the lab had either. That part of my dream is so fucked up that it’s hard to tell if it’s real or not.

“Logan? You in there?”
“Yeah. Why?” Don’t tell me you have to pee. I’m not getting up from here now. Water’s just the right temperature.
“Can I… Is it okay if I come in to brush my teeth? I won’t peek, I promise.” Oh, for fuck’s…
“Fine. Door’s open.”
“Thanks. I’m so tired that I wouldn’t have probably stayed awake long enough for you to come out.”
“Your mom?”
“Pissed off. But I made her promise not to call to police. You were right. She actually… Ugh.” Nice shiver, kid. Lost your bra already?
“Told you. She’s worried.”
“What about you? How do you feel?” Huh? Should I be worried about something?
“I’m not worried.”
“Duh! You’re awfully pale. Are you sure you’re alright? Should we call to professor and ask them to pick us up with the Blackbird?”
“I’m fine. I just need some sleep.” Which I won’t be having tonight. Thanks to you. Hey, wait a second!
“You promised not to peek.”
“I’m not peeking. I’m ogling.” Yeah? And that’s supposed to make it okay?
“I’m naked in here, kid.”
“I don’t mind.” Well, I do.
“Brushed your teeth already?”
“Yeah.”
“Get the fuck out of here, then. And close the door.”

“Logan, could you turn the voice down? I can’t sleep.” There’s a bed for you next-door kid. Make two people happy and go there to sleep.
“Okay.”
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Nope.
“Yeah. I’ll just check hockey stats and weather broadcast.”
“Right. You’re watching weather broadcast. The fact that that chick has less than nothing on when she shows those charts has nothing to do with your sudden interest with weather…” Huh?
“Which channel? I have seen only the old bald and grumpy guy and even older hag wearing clothes she probably stole from Salvation Army.” There’s a naked weather girl somewhere?
“Logan! Turn off the TV and go to sleep. I’m not driving tomorrow because you’re too tired to stay awake after jerking off and drooling after Kate the weather girl all night.”
“If I weren’t this tired, I would fucking throw you out.”
“No, you wouldn’t. I’m naked under here.”
“Jesus. Kid… Marie… Don’t you think you’re putting little too much faith in me?”
“No.” Well, that was a stupid question anyway. Coming from a guy with afephobia. Yeah. Afephobia. Fear of touching. Looked it up from a dictionary. Don’t know if it really describes me, but it was the closest description of my symptoms I could find. Phobia it is. There’s no real reason I should be afraid of her. She’s not looking to hurt me. Yet every time she comes within two-meter radius from me I just want to bolt off screaming.

“How about you? How do you feel?” Since I’m not allowed to drool after Kate, have to find something else to keep me occupied.
“I wasn’t the one who got stabbed through the gut.”
“Yeah. You were. From behind. Just like me. Are you sure you don’t want me to chop him up?”
“Who? Bobby? Logan, no. Let him be. It wasn’t his fault.”
“Wasn’t his fault? Christ! Guy pretends to be in love with you for nearly two years, then suddenly dumps you like a sack of potatoes over some other guy, and it isn’t his fault?” She’s too forgiving for her own good. Or a good liar.
“I don’t think he pretended anything. He was just confused. Just like I was for a long time after I met you and we moved in to Xavier’s.” Confused?
“That’s what it was? Confusion? All that blushing and giggling?”
“Logan, come on! What kind of a girl I would have been if I hadn’t had a crush to my knight in shining adamantium?”
“Smart one. I’m no fucking knight.”
“No. I guess you’re not. But I didn’t know better back then.” And what the hell is that supposed to mean?

“You didn’t sleep.”
“Nope. It shows?”
“I still think we could have at least wake up my mom and told her we were leaving.”
“And have her coming with us? I don’t think so.”
“You don’t like her.”
“No.” I don’t like people, kid. Is that news to you?
“Was it something she said?”
“No.” Wasn’t something. Was fucking everything she said.
“Do you want me to drive?”
“No.” Just keep quiet, okay?
“Okay… Is it okay if I turn on the radio?”
“No.”
“You’re grumpy.”
“No… Yeah.”
“Look, if this is about what I said last night…”
“No, it isn’t.” I’m just having a bad day because I haven’t had a decent sleep in nearly a freaking week. Starts to wear on me. It would be a good idea to shut your mouth now, kid.
“What is it, then?”
“Do I have to have a reason? I’m just having a bad day. Would it be impossible for you to keep your mouth shut?”
“Yes, it would! I’m tired of this shit! I’m tired of you acting like some sort of fucking nutcase! You have had a bad life, I nearly killed you, I’m pain in the ass and not everything goes the way you like it! Get fucking over it already!”

“Get out of the car, kid.”
“What? Logan!”
“I’m not going back to Xavier’s. You can find another goddamned ride.”
“You can’t leave me here!”
“I can’t? Think again, Rogue. Get out of the fucking car before I throw you out.”
“You can try…” What the fuck is she doing? Taking off her shirt?
“My skin is on. It’ll stay that way until you take me back home.”
“Put your clothes back on, kid.”
“So you could grab me and throw me out? Think again, Wolverine.”
“Fine. Take the car. You know the way.” There’s a diner coming up in few kilometers. Can get a ride from there. I have had enough of this.

“Logan, come back. I’ll drive. I’ll be quiet. Just get back in to the car, okay?” No. I’m through with you. Through with Xavier. Through with this fucking world. Through with myself.
“Why the fuck you had to choose my fucking truck out of all those parked back there?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I don’t want, I don’t fucking need some fucking kid to mess up my life! It’s messed up enough already! Just leave me alone, okay!”
“I can’t!”
“Why the hell not! I fucking gave you my life twice already, what more do you want?”
“My bag, for starters.”
“Your what?”
“You took my bag. Yours is still on the backseat.”

“Come on, Logan. It’s just one more day, and you can drop me off and go your way.” One day too many.
“Look, kid… I don’t like people. I don’t like Xavier. I don’t like your mom. I don’t like you.”
“Then why the hell do you hang around? Stick your nose in to my business and pretend that you care?”
“I don’t pretend. I fucking care about you. I don’t have to like you to care about you. You’re probably the first person who gives a rat’s ass about me. About my well being. I owe it to you to return the favor.”
“Owe to me? That’s a fucked up way to see things, you know.”
“That’s my way of seeing things. You’re a good kid. Just keep your mouth shut until we get back home, okay?”

I don’t fucking even know what to think about her anymore. I don’t owe her the time of the day. I don’t like her. But I don’t hate her either. Maybe if I weren’t this fucked up from the head… No. I’m afraid of her. And she’s just a kid anyway. No use for me. At the end of the day it isn’t soft words and cuddling I expect when I get back home, and that’s all she would have to offer. And I must be more tired than I thought, thinking things like this.

At least she’s quiet. Sulking? Definitely. But quiet. Retreated to backseat. Nose buried to some book. She’s always reading. Either harassing me or reading.

Oh, crap.
“Kid? You hungry?” I’m fucking starving. Last time we ate was before we snuck in to that bar last night.
“Marie? Earth to Marie, are-you-fucking-hungry?”
“Now you want me to talk?”
“Simple yes or no would do. I’m stopping to eat. You want something, or do you wait in the car?”
“I’m coming.”

On the other hand, I’m not completely sure if the card Xavier gave us will cover what she’s eating.

“It’s not going to grow pair of legs and walk out on you.”
“Fuck you, Logan. I’m hungry.”
“Don’t choke on it. Jesus, you make me look like a fucking pansy…” And that’s putting it mildly.
“Miss? Excuse me, miss? Could I have some more bacon, please?” Dear God in heaven…
“Keep eating like that and you’re going to have a stroke before you turn twenty.”
“What’s it to you? You don’t even like me, why should it matter to you?” Swallow before you speak, miss Piggy.
“Wasn’t planning to stick around anymore. Who’s going to rescue you when you need a heart transplant?” Because they’re not handing those out for muties.
“Would it matter even if you stayed?”
“Eat. I’ll wait in the car.”

Would it fucking matter? Why does she always have to do this? Ask questions impossible to answer? It mattered before. I took her with me. I was just going to give her a ride to next truck stop. Then Magneto and Xavier got involved. It mattered, because nobody messed with what was mine. Fucking nobody. I made her my business, because truth to be told, there was not much else I could call mine. Didn’t even realize what had landed on me before the statue. I fucking died up there. Took Jean nearly half an hour to resuscitate me. Yeah. It mattered then. But what about now? Does it still matter?

Fuck. This is giving me a headache. But it’s still easier to mull over these things out here than back at the mansion. Fewer distractions. More open space. More space to myself.

“How did it go?” Jean.
“Buried her dad and stranded her mother to a no-star motel in the middle of nowhere.” And what the fuck is it with that giggling?
“Love your sense of humor. But really, how’s Rogue holding up?”
“I guess she’s just fine. Little shaken from Bobby dumping her, but…”
“Yes, I heard about it. I think it’s great that you were there with her.” What’s so fucking great about it?
“Yeah, whatever. Xavier in his office?” Sooner I get things settled with him, sooner I get to leave.
“No. He’s going through some old recordings in the Danger Room. Actually he asked you to join him down there. Something about some scenario you have programmed.”
“Okay.” Can do that.

“Logan! Wait!”
“Sorry, kid. I’m in a hurry.” Ahh… Door closing. One good thing about elevators. Few seconds complete privacy. Complete silence. Except for that little thud when Marie hit against the door. Shouldn’t laugh. I really shouldn’t. I’m the responsible adult and all. Jesus. I hope she didn’t hit her face too hard. Nosebleed’s a bitch to stem.

“Professor.”
“Logan. I trust everything went well?”
“As well as expected. Car’s in the garage. Here’s the card.”
“Thank you. Now, about this scenario…”

How the hell did I ever manage to create that fucking mess? Three hours. Took freaking three hours to clear it up. And I do know my way around computers. Well, it’s sorted out now. Time to head back on the road. I’ll just grab my stuff and… What’s that commotion? Somebody sick or something?

“Clear!”
“Push in some adrenalin!”
“We’re losing him!”
“No! He’s not going to die! He can’t die!”
“Somebody, take her out! Rogue, you have to wait outside!”

Rogue? What the hell is going on? There’s Jean and Ororo, Scott’s in there, fuck, they’re all standing so close to each other that I can’t see…
“Kid? Marie? What’s going on?”
“Oh, God… It’s my fault… He’s going to die and it’s my fault…”
“Who’s going to die?” This is fucking unbelievable. We have been back less than a day, and she has gotten herself in to trouble?
“Is he going to be okay?”
“I don’t know, child. But you must wait outside.” Ororo. Looking straight through me. Like she doesn’t even see me.
“Storm, what’s going on?”
“I have no time to discuss right now. Just wait outside, please.” Okay.
“Come on, kid. They need their space.”

“Don’t die. Please, don’t die. Don’t die. You have to stay with me...“ Something happened to Bobby?
“Jean’s doing her best. I’m sure everything will be okay.” What the hell did she do? Must be Bobby, she wouldn’t be this agitated otherwise. They fought?
“I don’t want him to die… Not now…”
“I’m sure he will be alright.” That guy she kissed when she manifested ended up in a coma for three weeks, but he woke up. Maybe she tried to make things up with Drake?
“You can’t leave me now… I… I love you… I never wanted to hurt you…” Yup. Definitely Drake. Where the hell is Allerdyce, then? If they’re oh so much in love, why the hell isn’t he down here?

“Rogue?” Scott.
“How is he?”
“He’s stable right now. It looks like the worst is over. But you should go to sleep. You have had a long day.”
“Can I… Can I see him?”
“Of course. Jean’s still cleaning him up a bit, but you can go in if you feel you’re up to it.”
“I want to see him.”
“Just… He’s in bad shape. Are you sure you’re up to it? Maybe you should wait until tomorrow?”
“I… Is he awake?”
“No. Jean thinks it might take a while before he wakes up. Go to sleep, okay? You can come to see him tomorrow.”
“Come on, kid. I’ll walk you to your room.” Was heading that direction anyway. My room’s next to hers.
“Okay…”

“I just want him to be okay…”
“He will be, kid.” Probably. And most likely hates you for the rest of your life. I wouldn’t keep my hopes up if I were you.
“Why the hell did he do it? He knew what would happen if he touched me!”
“Calm down. Won’t do any good to anybody if you beat up this elevator. Has done nothing to you.”
“This is so fucking unfair… He’ll hate me…” You bet he will. But hey, look on the bright side. At least you got him in your head for good.
“Probably. But why does it even matter?” He’s gay, for Christ’s sakes. It’s not like he would have been jumping in to sack with you anyway.
“I love him.”
“Tough luck, kid. Well, have a nice life. Don’t call to me if you end up kneed deep in shit.”

Okay. Everything packed and ready to go. Should I swipe Scott’s bike? Just for old time’s sake. Nah. Better leave it. Boy Wonder probably has it rigged. Don’t want them to track me down. Drawers empty. Closet? Empty. Bathroom? Empty. Good to go.

Who’s that? Bobby? Wasn’t he at the med lab just few moments ago? What’s he doing at Marie’s door?
“Hi. I heard what happened. Do you want to talk about it?” Yeah. Now he’s all goody-goody. What? Allerdyce not giving you everything you want?
“No. Not really. I’m just tired. I think I’ll go to sleep for a while before I go to see him.”
“Okay. I’ll be… I’ll be in my room. You can come and get me if you need to talk about anything or…”
“Thanks, Bobby. I’ll remember that.”

Who the fuck is in the med lab? I thought it was Drake. She said she loves him. And she wasn’t talking about that platonic love-crap either. I could tell it from her scent. Has she keeping somebody on the side while she was with Bobby? Never pegged her the type.

It’s so quiet down here. They’re all gone. There’s just one light on. Can smell blood from here. Two beds. Curtains closed on around both of them. Do I really even want to know? Because this is starting to feel like… I have a bad feeling about this. What the hell has she done?
“Logan…”
“Marie.” Wasn’t she going to sleep?
“Oh, God. Logan…” Walking straight past me. Opening the curtain from the first bed.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… Please. Don’t die…”

Fuck. It’s me.

“Xavier!”

What’s the fucking point in this? Why can’t those fuckers stay out of my head? Huh? Is it too much to ask?
“Kid, keep your hands off from me!” Fuck. She can’t even hear me. She doesn’t see me. The real me that is. This is creepy. Come on. Let go of me. Shit. I can’t watch… What the fuck is she doing?
“Jean said I could wash your hair. Well, not really wash it, not with all those stitches on your face. But I can use this.” Flour?
“I just put some to your hair and comb it off. It’ll suck out most of the blood and grease…” At least she’s wearing gloves.
“Xavier! Quit fucking around! Let me out!”
“Professor woke up yesterday. Oops. Sorry. Your hair is kind of tangled. I try to be more careful…” That’s why I had the mother of all headaches when I woke up?

“There. Looks much better. Jean had to shave off some of your hair and your sideburns, but they’re already growing back. And you’re healing.” Yeah. Finally. Didn’t know it took this long from my mutation to kick back in. I have been hovering here almost three days already. Fucking Xavier.
“I have been so worried. I just wish you would wake up already…” Is she crying? Not again! Last time she did that she hugged me. Not a nice thing to watch. I’m fucking naked under that thin sheet. Just a small slip-up from her part, and we’re back on square one. Heart failure. Open wounds.

Why the fuck Jean even lets her in? Is she fucking insane?

“Hi Logan. I know. I should be in bed already. Couldn’t sleep.” Go get a sedative. Take the whole bottle.
“I was talking with Bobby today.” Yeah?
“He’s a nice guy. Remember him? He’s the one who made me that ice crystal rose when we came here.” Free advice, kid. Stay the hell away from him He’s gay. Boning Allerdyce behind your back faster than you can say Elton John. And keep those fucking hands off from my carcass! Just because I can’t scream or fight doesn’t mean that I’m fair game!
“They’re all so nice to me. Everybody. You were right, back in the train. This is a good place for me.” Hey! Put that sheet back on! Jesus!
“Sorry. I promise not to peek. But Jean said that we should move you a bit from every now and then. Keep blood flowing and some other medical stuff.” Why the hell it has to be you? Can’t Jean do these things by herself? Shouldn’t it be her instead of you? She’s the doctor, not you!
“I think they’re afraid of you. Jean even asked if I could take care of these things for her, because she has loads of other things to do, but I think it was just an excuse. I guess you scared her pretty badly when we first came in here, huh?”

“There. Whoah! You weigh a ton!” I fucking know that. Have to drag that weight around every fucking day. You better sit down, kid. You look about ready to keel over.
“I guess I’m still a bit shaken… Oh, have to put that sheet back on you… I wonder if Jean has any blankets around here. You’re awfully cold… Nope. No blankets. But there’s one in my room. I’ll go and get it.” That’s where it came from?

“It’s not much, but it’s warmer than that sheet. I’ll put it over your feet. Jean changed your bandages this morning, and there was still some bleeding from your chest and stomach. She said we shouldn’t put pressure over you before you’re completely healed.” Okay. You gave me that blanket. Shoo. Get out. Leave me alone now. No. Don’t sit down. Go away.
“I don’t know how you do it. How you can sleep at all.” Huh? Like everybody else, moron. I just lie down and close my eyes.
“I have had some of your dreams. They’re just awful. And to you… They’re not just dreams, are they. Those things… They have actually happened, right?” So? None of your fucking business.
“I… It’s hard to sleep now. Professor thinks they will eventually fade away. You’re not that lucky. I just wish there was something I could do. Anything. You gave me everything. Gave me life. I can’t even give you peaceful dreams…” Stop fucking crying. Go to sleep. I don’t need your pity.
“Why did you do it? You knew what it would do to you. Why did you have to touch me? You could have just let me go. You wouldn’t lay down here if… Why?” Good question. Want my guess? Temporary insanity.

“Logan? Are you awake?” What? I didn’t wake up until the end of that week… What the fuck am I doing? My hand is moving! Not much, but definitely moving! What the hell… Am I fucking nuts? Holding her hand?
“Logan… You’re really going to be okay.” Uhh… Let go. Both of you. Now. Bad hand. Very bad. Let go of her. Don’t want her getting any ideas. What… What is she doing? Jean! Professor! Anybody! Jesus! Take that freak off from me! She just kissed my hand! She doesn’t even know how to control her mutation yet! Get the fuck away from me, freak!

And what does my hand do? Curls around hers even tighter. Fucking traitor. Which hand it is? Left. As soon as prof lets me out of this freaking scenario I’ll fucking lop it off. That’ll teach it to consort with the enemy…

Seventy-three bottles of beer on the wall… Day five. This is getting fucking ridiculous. Okay, Xavier. You won. I see it. She’s sorry. She didn’t do it on purpose. She’s fucking scared out of her wits. So? I knew that already. Still doesn’t change the fact that it hurt like hell and I died. Fucking died.

“Hi. I wish you would wake up already…” Trust me, you’re not the only one. I’ll go nuts if I have to watch you pawing at me any longer.
“Jean… She thinks you’re going to wake up soon. Hurry up, would you?” Duh! If you hadn’t drained me, I wouldn’t even be here!
“Sorry… I don’t mean to complain. It’s just… I’m so tired.” Make us both happy. Go to sleep.
“She doesn’t understand… I… I don’t want to be here when you wake up. I’m kind of scared… I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry. This must sound awful to you, but there’s nobody else to talk to… Jean asked me too keep an eye on you and take care of you, because she’s so busy… I can’t do this… I love you, but it’s too much…”

Professor! Thank God! Finally someone had the sense to send somebody sane down here! Hey, baldy, get that sniffling chick off from me!
“Rogue.”
“Professor.”
“How is our patient doing?” ‘Our patient?’ Haven’t seen you much around here…
“Jean thinks it won’t take long anymore before he wakes up.”
“Yes. I think it’s best to do this now…” Do what?
“What are you going to do?”
“I discussed about this with Jean. We think it’s best to erase the memory of what happened from Logan’s mind. From what we have learned from him, he can be very… Vindictive. And hasty in his judgment.”
“Erase?”
“Yes. We decided it would be for the best to remove memories related to the statue, to avoid possible problems in the future…” What? You decided what? I must be fucking hearing things!
“No! I won’t let you do that!”
“But Rogue, surely you understand the ramifications if he wakes up with his memory intact… I do not wish him to harm you…” Hands off from me, Wheels! You’re not tampering with my mind! Fuck! Can’t even stop him… No. No!

“Take your hands off from Logan. Now.” Huh? She took her gloves off. What the fuck is she… Hey, kid. I don’t think it’s such a good idea to threaten Xavier.
“Rogue…”
“No. You’re not going to erase anything. People have taken enough from him. Touch him, and I’ll touch you…”
“Rogue, you have to understand…”
“No! Get out of here!” Kid, don’t. Jesus. Do you have any idea of what Xavier’s capable of?
“Fine. If it is what you wish. But I still think this would be the best solution for us all.”
“For us? What about Logan? Get out of here, freak! Leave him alone!”

“I won’t let them in. I won’t let anybody in before you wake up. I don’t fucking care if you hate me or not. You deserve every shred of memory you have left.”

Uh… Kid? Go over there. Go. Go fucking closer to that carcass on the bed! Grab his hand! If I was even half awake during your little conversation with the professor, you’ll get the mother of all hand squeezes. I would fucking kiss you right now, but that’s kind of hard to do. Go on. No? Your loss. What the hell are you doing anyway? Taking off your clothes?
“I’m… They won’t come close to me if I’m like this. I’m just… Umm… This is going to be so embarrassing if you wake up now. Just stay asleep for little while longer, okay? I’m going to sleep next to you. On top of covers! On top of covers. I’ll be really careful. They’re too scared to come close enough to try anything with you even if I fall asleep.” They’re scared? Jesus! Is that really necessary? Christ, be careful!
“I’m so tired… I just need few minutes… I’ll wake up if anybody comes in…” Stop fucking shuffling around! Don’t move an inch! Your hand is almost touching my chest!

Finally she fell asleep. I guess I’m safe. Those fingers are awfully close to the edge of that sheet, but if she keeps still it won’t be a problem. That might actually work… What the fuck am I talking about? Obviously it worked. I wouldn’t be here if professor came back in and swiped my mind.

Have to admit that she looks kind of cute lying there. In a scary way. Never really noticed how long her hair is. Covers her almost completely. Curled next to me like a snake. She looks so fucking tiny without all those layers of clothes. Probably weighs less than my fucking arm.

Oh, God. She’s moving. Don’t… Careful there, kid. I’m still healing, remember… Watch that hand… Watch it, watch it… Ahh. Better. Not so close to my chest anymore. She moved it over my stomach.

Kid! Wake up! There’s somebody at the door! Wake up! Oh for fuck’s sakes! What’s the fucking use of a watchdog that sleeps…
“Hey, fuckhead! Stop ogling!” Like he could hear me. It’s Drake. Staring at her. Just staring. Fuck. Get the hell out of here. She’s fucking naked. You don’t even like chicks. What’s there to look at for you?
“Rogue?” Not a good idea if that growl she just let out is any indicator… Would be probably good idea to back out now. Before she wakes up. Get out now, punk.
“Rogue? Are you awake?” No. She’s not. But she’ll wake up soon if you don’t drag your sorry ass out of here.
“I’ll come and talk to you later…” Yeah. You do that.

Shit. She’s not a snake. More like an angel.