I’ve never really understood what they meant when they said that love was immortal. I never thought about it. Love. What is it? What could it do for me?

Lust now that I understood. Take what you want when you want it. Women, blood, beer, objects that meant nothing to me. Lust I knew, I was on more than friendly terms with.

I never thought that love would come along and break us up. Like the impersonal grip of a groupie I could shake off or take it didn’t matter if I liked what was beneath me or not as long as I got what I wanted. Now, now I’m standing looking at the dark eyes of a girl who stares at me with this unfathomable look.

It’s that look that scares me. Two years. Two years of running, of hiding, of being an asshole and it hasn’t changed. I’ve fought, I’ve bled, for every mile I’ve been on lately and yet deep inside all it takes is a look from her and it fades away.

Like smoke curling into the air and fading away the familiar feelings of lust vanish. Leaving in its stead this deep, almost painful sensation that I can’t help but cling to. I want the pain; I want the need, the desire, and the uncertainty. I need them to show that I’m more than just a killing machine.

It’s only through her that I can be a man that my heart can heal. How I wish I knew how to tell her that. So many nights I’ve laid awake thinking of what could be, what might be if only I was something different.

And now I’m standing here standing in my open doorway staring into the warmth of dark chocolate. A slight smile crosses her face and awakens something within me that I’ve tried to bury.

“Can I come in?” Soft, sweet with that familiar accent and I move out of the way. I know this is wrong and yet I know just as well that lust and love have come to an understanding. I can love her, I can have her in my life…lust will always be there to keep us on the same track. I know that and I’m learning to accept that.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

The soft click of the door strikes me like a blow…I’ve closed the door on my past, on the lust that darkened my life for so long. Now I’m looking forward to the future…bright with the love and the lust of the innocence before me.