I’m fucking going nuts. A week without sleep can’t be healthy. I almost fell asleep on the wheel couple of days ago. Marie has been driving ever since. I keep dozing off, almost asleep, and then suddenly I’m wide-awake. Why? Because she’s leaving me.

Not in reality. We’re pretty good. In fact, surprisingly good. But every time I dare to sleep, this gut-wrenching surety suddenly grips me. Horrid feeling that when I open my eyes she’s gone. Just gone without a trace, and never coming back. It takes a while to kick my brain back in reality after that. And I think she’s starting to get just a bit annoyed to the way I cling to her after those dreams.

“Logan, just close your eyes for a couple of seconds. I promise to wake you up if it looks like you’re having a bad dream, okay?” Yeah, right. Forgot what happened last time, Einstein?
“No. I’m fine. Just a little dizzy. I’ll sleep when we stop for the night…”
“Promise?” Fuck. Is this some kind of new game? Yank the chain and watch how puppy squirms?
“Yeah, yeah… I promise.” As soon as couple of cows fly out of my butt.
“Logan, don’t lie to me.”
“Fuck… You know I can’t sleep. I just can’t…”

No matter how perfectly I’m wrapped up to her scent and embrace, that feeling comes through, and it’s safer for both of us if I stay awake. I haven’t tried to claw her when I wake up, but only reason for that is probably the position we sleep. Both on our sides, Marie curled against my back. Started sleeping that way at the beginning when I still had nightmares from the lab, and the habit stayed. And I kind of like it that way. She’s there, but she’s behind me. Who ever wants to get her, has to come through me first.

“You’re not Superman, and even he must sleep every now and then. You can’t go on like that. You do realize you almost fell asleep when we waited the cashier to go through our groceries?” Uh… I really did that. Crap. Hey, it’s not my fault that the woman was so fucking slow! Okay, I’m tired and it shows.
“I think it would be better if we got separate rooms. That way I can’t hurt you if…”
“Separate rooms? Are you fucking nuts? We can’t afford that!” Shit. I hate when she’s right. She usually is.
“At least separate beds then. I can’t sleep when all I’m thinking is if I’m going to wake up your carcass dangling from my claws!”
“Fine. We can do that. But only if you promise to really sleep. You’re a walking disaster. You nearly skewered that poor waitress just because she passed our table too close.” Now, back up a bit! She came out of nowhere! Brushed past us so fast that I thought… Christ. That mess would have been kind of hard to explain to the cops. I really need to sleep before I fuck things up completely. I only broke the coffee pot she was carrying, but the next thing I accidentally skewer might not be replaceable…

This doesn’t feel good. As soon as I lay down, whole fucking room starts to spin. Round and round like some fucking merry-go-round. Closing my eyes isn’t helping much, just adds the nice sinking feeling to that spinning. Not good on my side, not comfortable on my stomach, absolutely horrible on my back. And Marie? She just fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. It’s not fair. My fucking eyes feel like somebody filled the sockets with sand and my every muscle is twitching. Haven’t really slept well in these past four years, but I have learned to cope. Healing factor has been compensating, but looks like there’s a limit of how much it can do. Shit.

“Logan? Where are you going?” Busted. B-U-S-T-E-D, it spells.
“Just to smoke…”
“You weren’t going to sleep.” Uh…
“Logan…”
“I can’t! It fucking hurts just to close my eyes!”
“ Come here.” What the crap? I’m in no condition…
“Marie… Shit. It’s not that I don’t want… I’m too tired. I’m sorry, darling, but…”
“Haul your ass in your bed, right now!” Yes, ma’am! Jesus! She can be really scary…
“Turn on your stomach.” What… Where is she going? What is she going to do with that?
“Marie, what are you doing?” Smells kind of nice, I think it’s the same stuff she uses for her hands. Vanilla.
“I’m giving you a back rub.” Oh…

“No wonder you can’t sleep. You’re so wound up…” Owww, shit! Don’t know what she’s poking and squeezing…
“Stop squirming. I know what I’m doing.” Yeah? Trying to tear me a part limb from limb? I don’t think my back’s supposed to sound like fucking rice crispies…
“Breathe before you pass out.” Breathe? How? Oh, fucking Christ…
“Kid… Just let me go, okay? I’ll do anything… I’ll go to sleep… Just let me go…” Oh, shit!

Mmm… This is actually starting to feel nice. As soon as she managed to get rid of the worst kinks… I don’t know where she learned all this shit, but right now I don’t fucking care, either. That floating and spinning feeling is back, but it’s better now. Gentler. Like I’m laying on a waterbed. There are pins and needles in my fingertips, and they’re getting warmer when she’s kneading my arms.
“Careful… Don’t go there…” Below my elbows. No-no. Big no-no. Too many nerves attached to entirely too many blades. Ohhh…
“Is this okay?”
“Yeah…” Better than okay… I think my bones just melted. She’s rubbing my palms, squeezing and twisting… So many small muscles.
“You’re really liking this, aren’t you?”
“How can you tell?”
“You’re humping the bed.” Eh… Umm…
“Sorry…”
“Don’t worry. Just close your eyes and relax...“ Gladly.

“Marie!” Where the fuck is she? Where did she go? Why the hell it’s so empty and cold in here?
“Marie!”
“I’m here… What is it?” Jesus! Oh, Christ… Bathroom. Right now.
“Logan! Open the door!” Nope. Find another toilet. This one’s taken. And I have a feeling I’m going to keep hogging this joint for a while…
“Logan!”
“Go back to sleep… I’m o… O-kay…”
“No, you’re not! You’re puking your guts out again! What, do you think I’m deaf or just plain dumb?”
“Go to sleep… At least you can…” Aghh… Why do I even fucking bother to eat? Maybe I should ask them to stuff those burgers to a blender next time? Wouldn’t look that gross coming back up. Wouldn’t feel this gross. I shouldn’t even be doing this! I do not get sick!
“Logan! Open this door right now!”
“Just a sec… It’s open!” Oh, God… Fucking cramp! A… Can’t breathe! Can’t breathe!
“I’m going to put you down for a while.” Huh? Wha… Marie? What the fuck are you doing to me? Let go! Let go! Let go of me! Marie… ?… Why?…

“Hi, honey. How are you doing?” What the hell do you think?
“Water…” She touched me. Fucking drained me! My own wife!
“Why?” Because I think she deserves a chance to explain her actions before I perform some exploratory surgery on her. I owe her that much.
“I’m sorry, but I had to do it. There was nothing left of your mutation. You would have died if I didn’t knock you out. It wasn’t just the dream anymore. Look…” My fingernails?
“See that line? It wasn’t just a nightmare that made you sick. Your bones… They were poisoning you. I had to knock you out so that your mutation had the time to recharge and take care of the poisoning.” Okay. I won’t cut her up.
“Warn me next time when you do something like that, okay? I thought… I don’t even know what I thought. Jesus, kid…”
“How do you feel now?” Hmm? Actually…
“Better. Not hundred percent, yet, but close.”
“Good. I don’t mean to sound bitchy, but so you think you would be up to a fight tonight? We’re quite short on money. I used last to keep this room.”
“How long was I out?”
“A week.”
“Well, I think it’s time to make myself useful again. Let me get up and…” Whoa… Still little dizzy. But I feel good. Rested. She’s smart. My girl. I think we’re going to do just fine on our own, as soon as we get settled.