Rogue sat on her bed, staring up at her eggshell white ceiling. Every so often, her eyes would drift from the ceiling to the deep green telephone, a flicker of anticipation lurking in the brown depths that were her eyes.

"He said five." Rogue said to no one, her words echoing off of the walls. She twirled a piece of hair in her fingers, her other hand hovering over the phone, shaking slightly.

She wanted to be the first one to pick it up, she HAD to be. Not Jean.

Jean had informed her of the news, the letter that had come in the mail. For Jean. Not Rogue.

It was like a slap in the face. Six months without word from him and he mails Jean. Rogue screwed her eyes shut at the thought. No, she wouldn't let the jealousy be evident, wouldn't be that petty.

The sound of the phone ringing brought Rogue out of her thoughts. Like lightning, her hand grabbed the handle and brought it to her ear.

"Hello?" Rogue said, her voice barely above a whisper. She cringed. Not too casual.

"Marie? It's Logan," The all too familiar voice said. The voice that had penetrated her dreams for the past six months. The six months he had been away. There was something off though, it seemed like his voice lacked confidence.

"How are you? Where have you been? Are you okay?" Rogue blurted, her enthusiasm and concern making the jealousy fade away.

"I'm doing fine. I'm in Banff right now. I did a lot of thinking up here. I'm ready to come home."

Rogue paused. She couldn't help but smile.

"You got my letter, right?"

"Yeah, Jean got it," Rogue said dully, the corners of her lips tugging into a frown.

"Jean?" Logan said, the concern in his voice evident. Rogue thought he sounded worried, something was up.

"No, the professor. Of course Jean got it." Rogue said more harshly than she had meant to.

"The letter was for you." Logan said softly, in a tone that was Rogue never thought he would use to her.

"Oh..." Rogue said, her cheeks burning even though no one could see it. Something occurred to Rogue. Jean must have known it was for her, but why would she say it was hers?

"Look kid, I have to go, my bus is leaving. Just get your letter from Jean. It'll explain everything."

Click.

Rogue put the phone back on the hook. Her jealousy had turned quickly into anger.

Muttering curse words all the way down the halls, Rogue's expression was that of pure fury. She banged on Jean's door harshly, the cherry wood shaking with each hit.

Jean answered the door, rubbing her eyes.

"Rogue, what's wrong?" Jean asked as Rogue trudged past Jean and started shuffling through the papers on Jean's bureau. Finding the letter with Logan's shaky writing, she smiled in satisfaction in Jean's direction. Rogue walked past her curtly and stopped just before she reached Jean's door.

"This is mine," Rogue said, holding up the envelope. "And don't ever touch my mail again," Rogue said coldly, slamming the door behind her.

---

Jean leant against the door, a frown on her face. She started to cry. No one was around to console her, and she didn't deserve it, not for what she had done. All of the horrible things she had done to keep the secret and to fool herself.

---

Rogue entered her room and sat on her deep green comforter. The letter lay in front of her, begging her to open it. But did she really want to open it? Was there a good reason that Jean was keeping it? Screw it, Rogue thought, she was so curious it was making her sick. She needed answers, why he had left for sixth months without a word, why he had left at all.

The letter read:

Marie,

I don't know how to start this. I was never good with words. I'm just going to say it. You deserve an explanation. You deal with enough of my shit in your head.

I left for a lot of reasons. The biggest one being my conscience. I had to leave, and it wasn't because I wanted answers to my past. I searched long ago for those, and I found jack shit.

Something happened between me and Jean. And something happened between me and you.

And now I can't look either of you in the eye.

I left for both of you.

Forgive me.

Logan.

Rogue put the letter down, her expression blank. Now she knew. The letter was vague, but Rogue was old enough to piece everything together. The guilt in Jean's eyes everytime she looked at her, the way Jean would change the subject everytime Logan's name was mentioned, why Logan never called. It was so obvious. Rogue should have pieced it together before now, she felt so stupid. And cheated somehow.

Jean had gotten the one part of Logan she couldn't touch. Rogue hated her for it. Hated her for covering it up and hated her for being able to touch.

It all made sense now, and waves of bitter realization rolled through her body as she turned her c.d player on and wrapped her blankets tighter around her. The letter lay forgotten by the foot of her bed.

As 'Star No Star' by Jack Off Jill played, Rogue let sleep overtake her and deliver her into dreams where she was with him. When her touch burned his skin, not Jean's.

---

Logan looked out of the bus window boredly. He was nervous under his confident visage. He knew why Jean had kept the letter, and he was disgusted with her for it. He was disgusted with himself.

Logan noticed the young girl in the seat in front of him. She must have been 18, her blonde curls reached her waist and she was fairly short. Something grabbed his attention though. Her eyes. They would look innocent to the casual observer, but he could see the pain and torment that they really revealed. They reminded him of Marie.

He looked back to the window, the reminder painful. Logan would be seeing her eyes in two days. He would have to see the pain and the rage he had caused her.

"Deal with it pussy," Logan muttered under his breath. "You deserve it,"

A part of him wished that he hadn't told her to get the letter from Jean, it would have been easier. But another part knew that it was what he had to do, the guilt would be too much, and everyone was going to find out sooner or later. He watched the trees go by with little enthusiasm and tried to force the images of red and mahogany hair out of his mind.

---

The next few days were a blur of silence and mechanical movements for Rogue. She couldn't look at Jean, and just when Rogue had gotten comfortable again, there Jean would be. Jean tried to talk to her. But Rogue couldn't talk to her, she wasn't going to listen to Jean go on with her petty excuses just to make herself feel better.

Rogue was tense and her friends couldn't help but notice. Rogue was sitting in class and Jubilee had asked to borrow her calculator.

"I'm busy," Rogue had snapped, feeling guilty at once.

"Irritable much?" Rogue had heard Jubilee whisper to Kitty. She would explain later, but she just couldn't deal with anyone right now. No one knew Logan was coming home except for Rogue.

And she kept it that way happily.

The silence was starting to get to Rogue. She needed to talk to someone, someone who would understand. Putting her pencil down, she stood up and walked past Ororo, muttering something about the bathroom and went in the direction of Scott's classroom.

Rogue peered in through the window, Scott was sitting at his desk looking over some papers, his Ruby sunglasses shining in the sunlight.

She walked in, closing the door behind her quietly.

"Scott? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Rogue asked, her voice shaking slightly. Scott looked up at her and smiled.

"Of course, you always know you can," Scott said as she sat in the empty blue plastic chair beside him. As she got closer, he frowned. "What's wrong?"

Rogue sighed and placed her head in her hands. Her eyes started to feel hot, and she blinked tears away as she brought her eyes back up to his.

"It's about Logan," Rogue said, looking away again. "And Jean," Rogue finished, a tear burning it's path down her pale face.

"What happened?" Scott asked. His expression changed from a smile to a frown.

Rogue pulled the letter out of her cloak pocket, tossing it on the table. She was thankful to have it's weight taken away from her. Rogue couldn't watch as he read it.

Rogue looked up to see Scott grab the computer monitor off of his desk and throw it at the wall. She flinched as it smashed into little pieces, littering the floor with shards of glass and microchips.

Scott was shaking as he turned to her, tears were streaming down his face, and her heart broke at the very sight of his pain. Rogue immediately regretted telling him. That she had caused this...

"I should have known."

They reached for each other and Scott pulled her into his arms. They held each other for a long time, silence their only company.

The tears had dried up and Scott was stroking her hair an hour later.

"You're in love with him."

Rogue looked up at him and nodded.

"You still love her." Rogue countered, her voice barely audible.

Scott nodded, mirroring her movements.

Someone had cleared their throat from the doorway.

It was Logan.

---

His face was the very description of pain. But as soon as it was there, the mask was up again and his expression was blank. Rogue had seen it though.

Rogue stood up, breaking the embrace. Scott's fist clenched by his side.

"I guess we're even now," Logan said in a low voice as he turned to leave.

"Not even close," Scott said as he ran at Logan and pulled him around so that they were face to face. Taking the opportunity, Scott punched him, knocking him backwards.

"That wasn't smart," Logan growled as he stood back up and punched Scott back. Scott slammed into Logan and knocked him to the ground, punching him over and over and over again.

Rogue ran to Scott's side and pulled on his arm. "Stop it! Stop! No more fighting, please!" Rogue cried, fresh tears burning down her face.

Scott stood up, his face contorted in pain.

"You had to, didn't you? You knew she wanted you and you used it to your advantage." Scott spat, stepping over Logan and leaving the room.

Logan's nose was bleeding as leant back against the door. Rogue walked over to him timidly and pulled a kleenex out of her pocket.

Logan took the kleenex from her hand and pressed it up to his nose, tilting his head backwards. Rogue cast her eyes to the ground.

"Nothing happened between Scott and me," Rogue said quietly as her eyes met his. He studied her for a second, and then nodded.

"I'm sorry Rogue. You don't even know how sorry," Logan said, his eyes saying more than his words. His other hand reached out and grasped her hand. Rogue squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"What happened between you and Jean is your business, it's not like we have a thing, I'm only a kid to you. I realize that now.." Rogue trailed off, frowning. Logan let go of her hand and brushed her hair out of her face gently.

"You know that isn't true," Logan said, looking her straight in the eye. "I feel something for you, and it scares me. Everything I love I lose, and I don't want to lose you. I came back for you. Not Jean."

Rogue crawled up next to him and rested her head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, stroking her back. It felt so right, to be in his arms. Jean didn't matter right then, nothing mattered except being close to him.

"What are we going to do?" Rogue asked quietly. Rogue wanted to be with him, but she knew there just wasn't a way. She knew that every time she would look at him, she would see Scott's tortured expression. Or worse, she would see Jean's face. But her affection for him was stronger than any of those factors. Her affection was what kept her in his arms.

"I don't know." Logan said, the guilt evident in his voice.

---

The next few months had passed by slowly. The tension was palpable. Logan had apologized to Scott, but what he had done would never be forgotten, by anyone. Scott and Jean were still together. Rogue was very surprised by this.

Rogue and Logan were together, not in a full relationship, but it was enough for both of them. It was all they could handle.

One day at the end of Math class, Rogue walked up to Scott's desk. The two had formed a very close friendship during the rough periods in their lives.

"How are you and Jean doing?" Rogue asked, picking up the picture frame from the desk, her eyes studying Jean's portrait which was smiling back. Rogue still couldn't forgive Jean, for what she had done to Scott.

"Better."

"How can you look at her?" Rogue asked, deciding to just get to the point. Scott smiled slightly and met her gaze.

"How can you look at Logan?" Scott asked, picking up his briefcase, then walking past Rogue.

Rogue smiled, she understood.