You have a wonderful way with dialogue. You do a great job of making the characters sound like themselves and you give them clever things to say.

What's not so wonderful is that in your excitement to describe a given scene, you forget that we as readers can't see inside your head. You know which 'she' is which in the cage match, because you are watching it in your head as you write it. But we don't see what you see. We have to rely on your words to tell us who is doing what to whom, so it would be fantastic if you could find a way to identify the characters. It could be as simple as using their names -- or descriptions in 'blondy's' case -- more often instead of just the pronouns.

And as for 'sweet cheeks'...I think you're hinting here that the guy in the bar is the same guy with the whip at the end. Nice twist, but unless he's some kind of shape-shifter, wouldn't Rogue have recognized him at the pool table?

I don't mean to sound critical; I am enjoying the story. I just wish I didn't have to work quite so hard to keep everything straight. --Wendie