Reviews For Loyalties
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Reviewer: Moviemom44 Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/31/2010 9:50:18 AM Title: Chapter 2

Another brilliant chapter full of quotable lines, but since I can't just retype all 2700-plus words here, I've narrowed it down to a few that really stood out...

It can’t be a coincidence that the hall is empty.

Chills, Sahara, actual chills slithered up and down my spine when the genius behind that line hit me. YOU HAVE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING! Literally, everything, that could possibly be going through her head. How do you do that?

He does the sniffing thing again, taking a long hit of her this time, which reminds her of every fluid she’s caked in.

I practically got whiplash when you flung me from where I thought that sentence was going to where it actually went, but the surprise was so damn good, I'll happily pay the chiropractor bill myself.

I have a few ideas about what's really got Logan stretching his self-control to the limit and I will be fascinated to read how you portray that inner battle, especially if you stick to Marie's POV through the entire story.

“Wouldn’t pee on you if you were on fire... My dad used to say this about folks he thought were deserving of it. (He also had a variation that went 'Wouldn't give you enough piss to take a pill if you were dying...', but the fire thing is so much more immediate.) Oddly enough, Jubes and my dad have something else in common -- an inability to pull their punches for the sake of appearances. I'm going with the theory that Jubes is just Jubes and drama is all part of the brightly colored package.

I am SO looking forward to more... --Wendie

Author's Response: ALl hail Review Queen Wendie! May the Mighty Wolverine keep her in good health! (crowd responds: "here, here!"). Chills? Really? Oh mess, didn't know I was capable of that. I dunno if I thought of everything, but I'm really, really trying to avoid plotholes, which is why I've been sitting on these first few chapters for like a month. Hmm, where did you think the sniffing was going to go? And what do you think is really stretching Logan's control? Can't say I've ever heard the piss/pill scenario, just "I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire", but I amended it in the chapter a bit. Yes, I had that intention for Jubes, but I'm rethinking what I want to do with her - I desperately want to avoid writing her as a caricature instead of a character, y'know? rnrnThanks for this :D

Reviewer: doctorg Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/31/2010 9:29:29 AM Title: Chapter 2

Love, love, love it so far. Even Hostile!Logan. I'm kinky that way I guess. ;-) Great chapter! I can't wait to read more.

Author's Response: Then you're in the right place! Hey, I'm the one writing the Hostile!Logan, so I'm not exactly Little Miss Normal, either ;)

Reviewer: Moviemom44 Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/31/2010 9:00:13 AM Title: Chapter 1

Forget the squeeing, there's a friggin' brass band playing in my head. *Da-DA-da-DA-dada-DA. Dada-DA-dada-DA-dada-DAAA-Da.* And deservedly so, for this multi-chapter debut should be celebrated on a grand scale. OUT-FUCKING-STANDING!!

The description of Marie's physical and mental state in the aftermath of her complete absorption of Carol is positively harrowing. Rarely are we treated to such detail, which, I suspect, is because it's damn hard stuff to pull off, but you did it beautifully.

And then, in the middle of all that, you still manage to give us full-color glimpses of her life with the Brotherhood with amazing little sound bites like:

That’s something she does recognize from living around Erik for so long. Scott’s lecture is cut off when a shadow, a person, a wall of muscle appears behind him. She stiffens, her body preparing for the threat of Victor before her brain gets any say in the matter.

And...

This would be very different in her home, or what she thought of as her home. There wouldn’t even be a pretext of calm. Any member of the Brotherhood would take to the other’s throat and launch into a display of power.

And yet, as awful as she feels about everything, still her sense of humor shines through, most notably in her ability to laugh (or rather her inability to NOT laugh) at Carol's 'pacifier' analogy.

I'm glad you're not short on beta candidates. Still, should you need me, my email box is always open. --Wendie

Author's Response: Man oh man. I hereby dub you Review Queen! *bows, presents you with paper/glitter glue/macaroni noodle crown*. I always look forward to hearing what you have to say - you never disappoint. I'm a total whore for reviews with quotes too. Consider yourself a lifetime member of the MANimals club. I'm super happy you like where this is going!

Reviewer: bima140277 Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/31/2010 5:28:28 AM Title: Chapter 2

Logan is just a pissed off old Wolverine - nothing to be mad about.

And Jubes is just great :)

Author's Response: Yeah, he's a grumpy one, isn't he? I'm trying to a Logan who's worked out some of his impulse/temper issues by the time Marie shows up. He's still our favorite berzerker, but maybe he doesn't shoot as many times before asking questions now ;)

Reviewer: WitchBaby Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/31/2010 1:05:17 AM Title: Chapter 2

i wonder how logan would respond if he heard rogue telling herself 'he's not victor.' sort of give him a clue as to what her life was like before the mansion. great update, can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Hmmm, that is some good food for thought. I'll be addressing it later on down the road, maybe when Logan's a little less claw-some? Oh man, *Clawsome*. New word of the new year. Awesome is out, clawsome is in. Spread the word! Might have to work that in here somehow.......rnrnThanks :D

Reviewer: RebelQueen Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/30/2010 6:11:33 PM Title: Chapter 1

Wow, I mean this is just amazing!! IO found myself wanting to cry in certain sections when Rogue described her state of mind while being held hostage by the X-Men. I am so glad the Professor got there and set them straight. I wonder what will happen when the Professor tries to help Rogue sort her mind out a bit. What about Wolverine? How is he going to be with Rogue when she finally starts talking about what really happened? Please update soon!

Author's Response: Oh gosh so many questions! This is going to be a slow-going kind of story, so not all of those questions will be answered soon. I just don't think all those things can be figured out without the characters establishing strong relationships, y'know? So I'm working on that & I'll have it to you guys soon. Thanks!

Reviewer: doctorg Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/30/2010 8:39:56 AM Title: Chapter 1

Squeeee! I don't know what thrilled me more, seeing a new story by you or seeing that the "complete" box was unchecked knowing there would be more. I am totally hooked already. I think you did a great job of establishing the circumstances of the AU without having to spell them out in an intrusive way. I was a little confused at first but all was clear by the end. I know you've had other offers, but add me to the list of those who would be thrilled to beta for you. You have my email. :-)

Author's Response: Oh gosh there's a lot of squeeing going on these days, huh? I think you're one of the only people on this site who *likes* the unchecked complete box. Usually that's a sign of doom to readers. I've got plenty more already written & unless something unfortunate occurs *knock on wood* I'll be delivering it. With a side of Nearly Nekkid Logans for everyone. Okay, you're all just going to have to use your imaginations on that one. I can't actually deliver that. Thanks for this :D

Reviewer: Amara Nevena Malfoy Signed star star star half star [Report This]
Date: 12/30/2010 4:38:53 AM Title: Chapter 1

You have a wonderful start to your fic here. I can't wait to see what else you come up with.

Author's Response: Thanks :)

Reviewer: RoseSumner Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 1:02:51 PM Title: Chapter 1

Okay, so you know when you find something really really, unbelievably holy-shit-jumping-up-and-down-hungry-for-more-never-could-have-dreamed-something-could-be-this-good amazing, and there's this not-so-tiny voice inside you screaming, "AAAAAAAHHH!!!"? Well, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Omigod, Sahara! This is incredible. *So* brilliant, *so* in character, *so* well-written, *so* poetic. Every single sentence, every single friggin' *coma* is perfect. What were you worried about?

I couldn't put this down (love having a netbook, allows that expression to be so literal). My eyes were glued to the screen, tearing through this. And then I scrolled back up and read it again, like a magically wholesome dessert. I love BadassLogan as much as, if not more, than I love ProtectorLogan. And you do it so, so, *so* well. I can't pick out a single line about him, or about anything else in this chapter, that I didn't love. (Though, as last wringing-in-your-ears phrases go, the pacifier thing was pretty fantastic.) I'm so excited!! Can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: As I said, this made my day before you sent that wonderful email yesterday. I literally caught myself bouncing in my work chair when I read this - never been so thankful for a door with a lock. I love that you have a netbook and can read anytime anywhere...oh yeah & leave reviews anytime anywhere ;) This is just the best. The. Best. Thank you for this.

Reviewer: DarkDragonfly Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 11:47:49 AM Title: Chapter 1

OMG!!!

Freaking amazing, I was so disappointed when I got to the end.

Im loving your reluctant Logan and slightly crazy Marie :D
Cant wait for more!

Author's Response: Who doesn't love a slightly crazy Marie? I think I'm exorcising my crazy demons here. Oh & those Lusty Logan demons...wait...maybe I don't want to get rid of those ones...hmmm. I'll try serving up some more! Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: bima140277 Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 6:34:58 AM Title: Chapter 1

Oh heck was this supposed to make me cry? I cried and even more so when Logan took pity on Rogue...

... and now I'm smiling because of the cigar/pacifier part.

more please!!!

Me like very much ^-^

Author's Response: Oh I didn't mean to make you cry! *hands you tissues, the nice soft kind with lotion*. OH, but you laughed too! Hopefully you read this in a nice secluded space where no one could ponder the craziness of those rapid mood changes. If you had an audience, then I hope the mental institution has an internet connection. Make sure you get placed in the ROGAN ward with the rest of us ;)

Reviewer: justanji Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 6:18:07 AM Title: Chapter 1

I like this story, but be careful because you change tenses a few times in this story. I like the idea though and you do have some good lines :)
~Anji

Author's Response: Oh I know. I've been sitting on Chapter 1 for almost a month & the tenses were still bothering me. They were the main thing sticking in my craw. Uh, is it weird that I'm thinking about the tenses I'm using in my response? Yeah, tenses have seriously messed up my brain. It's something I'm keeping in mind & hopefully that problem will be fixed. Thanks!

Reviewer: Capt_Mackenzie Signed star star star star star [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 12:38:45 AM Title: Chapter 1

i LOVE THIS!!!!!! wOw, you've done such a good job at writing psych-ward!Marie ... heh, heh. And all the characters have their own voice, no matter how briefly they star in the scenes, each one is written distinctly & their personalities clearly recognizable.

I can't WAIT to find out what happens next!!!

Author's Response: All caps? Wow, thanks! I'm really glad that it's clear to readers that the characters are pretty distinct. Hopefully, I can keep that up without making them caricatures, y'know? But I'll keep chugging away at this if you keep tuning in!

Reviewer: notmyself Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 12:21:14 AM Title: Chapter 1

I'm soooo in. I may not be the fastest beta or precisely regular, but I am one hell of a beta. I'd love to. If you still need one, that is. I can't tell you how fabulously happy I am that you are working on a multi chaptered affair. All sorts of inappropriate squeeing sounds were let loose upon hearing that. I love the premise of this story and the dangerous, protective against her version of Logan that you have going on here. I can't wait for more. Truly.

~Mia

P.S. prissiepup@hotmail.com if you are interested in having me as a beta. I'd do my best for you, babe.

Author's Response: Your squeeing sounds met my squeeing sounds at reading this. This was super encouraging. I'm going to post one more chapter - even though I've got about 8 typed up so far - so any interested betas can see if this is something they want to stick with. Thank you for this awesome review!

Reviewer: alesia Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/29/2010 12:02:53 AM Title: Chapter 1

I would be happy to beta. I really like the opening chapter btw. My email is alesiaglfyn@gmail.com

Author's Response: Golly gosh goodness, really? :) I might post one more chapter and if you think this story is still something you'd want to sit through then I'd be awfully grateful for your help :D

Reviewer: WitchBaby Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/28/2010 10:47:13 PM Title: Chapter 1

great beginning, would love to read more

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm workin' on it!

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