Hi,

Interesting start, though some of the language feels slightly stilted to me (a little too proper for their speech rhythms, somehow). I like how you're elucidating her control, its limits and the struggle to get and maintain it.

If you are still looking for a beta-reader, I would be happy to help you; I've been working with Epic on her ode 'Forgotten'. I saw a couple of typos in your first section that a fresh pair of eyes would have caught (and of course, spellcheck being spellcheck, it missed).

You can email me (biohelixx@yahoo.ca) if you're interested. Also in my favour, I think, is that I'm from Logan's part of the world (Alberta) ;-)

Looking forward to the next part!
Melanie