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Reviewer: August Dawn Signed star star star star [Report This]
Date: 04/01/2009 2:02:33 PM Title: Touchable

Well, I'd say this was a chapter in 2 parts!

The first part I really enjoyed.. Everything up to the hotel was good and then the hotel scene worked really well at getting Logan and Star to soften towards each other a little.
Then I thought you handled the arrival at the mansion really well, all the introductions seemed fresh and I liked the short perspective you gave Star on each member of the team.. Hank, Scott, Storm, etc. I think it's hard to do these arrival and introduction scenes without rehashing old ground and being boring. You managed to summarise the meeting with the Jr X-Men well and her getting all excited about the school and stuff.
I was also intrigued by the hint that she may not have been completely honest with Logan about her lack of memories!

Then, Part 2.. the story comes to a halt and Logan sits down with a beer to think about his past for about 14 paragraphs! I know you tend to do this and I tend to complain ;) but it felt even weirder here when the story had been flowing so well for 4 chapters and then you suddenly change tack and move into Logan reminiscing about Rogue mode. I'm starting to think that it's your way of trying to put across his deep feelings for her and his inner conflict, etc, but unfortunately we've heard it all before. I couldn't help just skim-reading this second part.
I'd much prefer to see this feeling and conflict expressed through fresh, ingenious, interactive scenes instead. With maybe paragraph or 2 of memories interspersed along the way ;)

Author's Response: Oh man August, you keep me laughing! Seriously I read the last four reviews you gave me and I hope you can appreciate this long response I'm about to write you. Oh and I'll apologize that it's all in one big block thought as well because for some reason I can't make spaces between my review responses. Digressing, you really do flatter me with your reviews, I mean besides complaining about my verbose choice of reminiscing style. Honestly, I love that you got the slap stick humor of the previous chapters, every one else was like "Bring on Rogue" but maybe it's me being cocky but when I re-read what I write, after I've posted it, I laugh my ass off just reading it. I love the idea of Logan having a handful of teenager whose just a normal-well normal mutant teenager- who likes to bug and irk him. I think the humor of the situation was lost on some of my stellar Rogue/Logan fans but I really appreciate you commented on how you enjoyed it and that you understood it. rnrnSecondly, I laughed out loud when you left this particular review. rn"Then, Part 2.. the story comes to a halt and Logan sits down with a beer to think about his past for about 14 paragraphs!" You're so dead on balls accurate-pardon my, My Cousin Vinny vernacular, but what you said was exactly true. I like writing more in dialogue but sometimes I get a little carried away, like a 14 paragraph peak into the mind of Logan. Usually I catch myself and edit the hell out of my chapters, toning it down a little. Sometimes though when I'm up late writing really big chapters I get a little lazy and post without editing properly. When I re-read what I posted I literally wanted to cut out a ton of it, which is kinda one my list of things I'll never accomplish where Wanted is concerned. I really want to tackle those first three chapters (of Wanted) and fine tune them, take out all the extra unnecessary stuff. rnrnrnJust want to say I really love and appreciate your feedback, makes my day all the time! Thanks lady!

Reviewer: August Dawn Signed star star star star half star [Report This]
Date: 04/01/2009 1:09:01 PM Title: He Sighed

Ha ha, this chapter was priceless!
Loved it, really made me laugh.
I'm thinking maybe you should forget about Rogue altogether and get Logan to warm up to Star instead ;)

Too many good lines to list, but I definitely laughed out loud when she hung up on the professor!

I'm still wondering what she was doing for 3hrs in the bathroom... was she so mean as to be taking a bath with someone waiting? Oh, she is evil!

and I love all the names you keep coming up with for Logan, e.g. 'mountain man'.

Reviewer: August Dawn Signed star star star star half star [Report This]
Date: 04/01/2009 12:24:22 PM Title: That Grey Lady

Ooh, this is just too fun!
I love the new annoying kid, and also how you kept Logan's reminiscings of Rogue relatively short.. almost ;-)

3 paragraphs on the 'warmth' factor was probably 1 too many as they did manage to snap me out of the scene with Star.
I would have left out this whole section "Constantly and more frequently then he would have liked .... as you can see drastic difference between the two. " which didn't add anything, whilst the following 2 paragraphs did fit in well with the scene.

I liked at the end how you kept Logan's summary of the Mystique / Kelly fiasco to a single paragraph, that worked well.

So much good stuff in this one, and lots of great lines..

“GOD! You’re so growly! It’s like driving with a god damned bear!”

“gee sorry I almost roasted you alive back there, hope that didn’t hurt, hey did you want a new shirt?”

"..he was defending his furry friends"

"..there was a slab of bullshit with a side of useless."

"..he was fresh out of stale beefy jerky. Of course he should have had some on hand, here he is driving around in Canada, it was only natural that he’d run into another mutant teen on the run, and of course it was almost inconceivable that he hadn’t thought to stock his pick up full of teenage girl goodies. "

Reviewer: August Dawn Signed star star star star [Report This]
Date: 04/01/2009 9:10:45 AM Title: Deja Vu

Ooh, another story! but you haven't finished Wanted yet.. tut tut ;-)
I don't know how you can concentrate on multiple stories at once, don't all your ideas get jumbled up?

I like the start of this one, the deja-vu is awesome, really thought it was Rogue at the start, nicely done.
Liked the cocky new kid and her dialogue is really good fun.
Also nice to see Logan sending Rogue a postcard for a change!

Reviewer: Anami Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/21/2009 10:26:35 AM Title: He Sighed

So far so good. Imlike it, but I would like for Rogue to appear.

Author's Response: Yeah I'm doing my best to get them back to the mansion....but it is fun pissing Logan off- definitely more of that on the way

Reviewer: TRSummers Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/21/2009 7:51:34 AM Title: He Sighed

wow, okay. i don't know whether i want you to kill off Star because she's annoying even me now (i say this in a good way) or whether i want you to keep her alive because of how much fun it is to annoy Logan. Star is a lot of fun but also a lot of work. Just goes to show much honorable a man Logan really is that he hadn't murdered her in her sleep yet. :)

Author's Response: First of course I'd like to say, go update your story right now ; ) lol. I'm having a lot of fun with annoyed Logan, I laughed a lot just sitting here writing this chapter and thinking up future mischief but it was actually a little challenging writing annoyed Logan-because you know like 'where does he draw the line?' But I'm glad to hear you actually find Star annoying, I don't want people to like her I want her to be unlikeable, annoying and difficult, so when she serves a purpose you're kinda like "wow she does matter-slightly" but yeah this was a lot of fun so far~ thanks for the review!!

Reviewer: TRSummers Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/17/2009 10:58:38 PM Title: That Grey Lady

Thanks for the dedication, Amanda. =) I'm liking this story so far and for an original character, Star is an interesting one. I look forward to reading more-- especially when it begins to involve more direct L/R aspects.

Author's Response: yeah I'm trying to add as much L/R as I can squeeze in, hopefully I'm successfully demonstrating how even though Logan and Rogue are apart they weigh heavily on each others minds, but I got to get Logan off the road and back to Mar- er... ::ahem:: the Mansion ; )

Reviewer: Wolf CrescentWalker Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/11/2009 3:07:32 AM Title: Deja Vu

I must have read and reviewed this while you were posting it. The first time it came up with no paragraph spacing at all, and was virtually unreadable, so I left a review commenting on that. A friend checked and said the spacing was right, so I came back and yes - it's good now. Sorry for the confusion.

Author's Response: hehehe.... my bad, Sorry I was trying to play around with those < > code things- I can't figure out how to place something in italics and keep the rest of the story regular font- it's driving me bonkers. Sorry if I made the chapter hard to read, hope it's easier now.

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