Very helpless feeling to the poem. I can see where the song felt to you like an L&M song.

There's less visualization and metaphor than in your other typical poems. You seem to be going for stream-of-consciousness here. I think other poems may have been stronger in their particularity, because my favorite short poems limit themselves to a single vivid moment that is not in itself necessarily meaningful either, just revealing. Here, we've got insight without a moment. But it's a mood and a way of describing a relationship, so I think you'll develop this more and get there.

Author's Response: yep, 'stream of consciousness', that's me ;) hence why it may not make a lot of sense. heh, thanks ;)